Perhaps the strangest and most bizarre concept to come out of patriarchy is the policing of women’s bodies, their pleasure and more so, the public expression of this pleasure.
From a young age, girls are socialized differently from boys. Girls are told not to sit in a certain way, not to speak in a certain way and not to dress in a certain. A young girl is taught all these things so she can make things easier for a man: if she sits with her legs spread out, a man might think it’s an invitation. If she speaks too loudly or too softly, a man might think it’s an invitation. If she shows skin in the way she is dressed, a man might think it is an invitation. It is strange – we are a society that teaches girls to shrink themselves instead of teaching boys what an invitation actually sounds like.
Women’s bodies have never belonged to them. Before a woman makes a decision on her body, she must always consider how it might affect the next person. If she wants to wear a tight dress, she must consider what message she might be perceived to be sending to a man. If a woman wants to have an abortion, she must consider the feelings of God or Jesus or her baby daddy – all whom tend to disappear, should she decide to keep the child. Even in sex, a women’s body is not enough until a man approves of it. She must tighten her bum, men like big asses. She must be ‘thick’ because men like some meat on the bones but she mustn’t be too fat or too skinny or too this or too that. Women’s bodies are not theirs.
Speaking of sex, how dare a women like it? Patriarchy has succeeded so well on this concept that even women enforce it onto other women. Women are not allowed to like sex. Women are not allowed to speak about sex. Women are not allowed to have desires and act on their desires. From a young age, women are taught that sex is a bad thing. They are feed the myth of virginity which in essence says: before you’ve had sex, you are pure. Sex makes you dirty. The more sex you have, the dirtier you get. It can warp the idea of sex for young girls. It is a lot of emotional labour that girls must do when they become young women. The learning that sex is one of the most natural, most pleasurable things and that it is okay to like it. This is emotional trauma that is inflicted unnecessarily on young girls; simply because men have the notion that women’s bodies belong to them and that women do not deserve pleasure.
The social consequences for sexually liberated women are dire. Women are shamed for being sexual beings. They are called names and mostly worryingly, they are dehumanised. We live in a society that believes that a woman who likes sex does not deserve respect. A society that believes that a woman who likes sex deserves to die; deserves to not feel safe. More strangely, we are a society that struggles with the concept of consent. If a woman expresses her sexual desire publically, it seems that she forfeits the right to her space. Her space, be it on social media or physically, is violated without concern. A woman does not trade in respect for sexual liberation. She should not have to choose to be ‘respectable’ or a sexual being. The two are not mutually exclusive and have never been for men. Patriarchy executed shaming women for sex so excellently that it is not only men that do it. Even other women shame women who are sexually liberated. They genuinely believe the less sex and sexual partners they have puts them on a higher moral ground. Mothers believe that they have failed if they raise sexually liberated women. Again, it is strange that this how society chooses to measure the success or failure of its socialization.
In simple, women would like to be free in their bodies. They would like to be free in expressing their desires and their pleasures. Women would like to be free. We are tired. We want our bodies back. This is how: we want to show all the skin we want and not walk around in fear of being violated. We want to have all the sex in the world, we want and speak about the sex we are having without being called ‘sluts’ or ‘hoes’. We want to be able to make decisions about our own bodies; taking into consideration only ourselves. We are not asking for too much and more to the point, it is not something we should be asking for in the first place.