To be accepted in the society we live in, we wear many different masks on a daily. The sad thing about these masks is the fact that for some they melt into the skin and they become your new face. The question is, why do we wear these masks in the first place?
I will not try to attempt to answer the question from a psychological point of view or any scientific point of view as that would require that I have enough knowledge to cover the matter. The task of attempting to answer this question will be taken from mere observations from my daily occurrences with the people I encounter. Because I find it amazing how with some people, there is no shred of fakeness about them. They are purely sincere with who they are. As opposed to another category of people who submerge themselves within a persona in order to fit into a society or to be accepted. Why do we wear social masks to hide ourselves? Why does it seem being ourselves is so difficult?
Stories of young gals despising their bodies because their bodies do not fit the criteria of beauty in worldly standards flooded in many magazines. Many stories go on to tell the extreme measures these young women take to alter their bodies. I once met this beautiful woman who utterly despised her African body. I failed to understand how when one looks at her, she’s God’s perfect creation. The epitome of a woman. What told her that her body was not good enough to arouse attraction in the world? Can we continue to blame it on mass media painting womanly beauty as being a skinny white woman? Does this still apply to today’s world where you find many female groups pushing mottos like “Thick thighs saves lives”? Where full and very influential woman such as Adele taking a clear stand against society’s need to conform to these seemingly impossible standards of beauty?
For young men, it’s a bit different. It is common to find the young rapper wanna-be already living the Hollywood life. Already living the fast life, posting pictures of their exuberant lifestyles. Yet, under careful inspection most of these wanna be rappers have nothing to their name. There are seen in expensive hotels, at high end resorts yet to their name they are virtually worthless. They are bankrolled by the one rich drop-out who has the advantage to “ball out”. But the reality is that, the wealth they squandered is not theirs. It is from an inheritance or from savings parents placed for their tuition at higher learning institutions. Stories of this nature are endless. Stories of that cool guy who would book hotel rooms every night with different women for each of those nights. Only to find a few months later that very same guy pinned in tough situations where the money has run dry and that higher than life persona dead. I was honoured by the presence of a very wealthy entrepreneur who told me his story. That with his inheritance he got from his parents when they passed on, he would use it to buy expensive shoes at the prestigious Diamond Walk. He lived in Bloemfontein but he told me that every weekend he would rent a car and go to Sandton to do his shopping. In these weekly trips, he would take along women and friends and it would road trips worthy of rockstars. He tells me that the day he went to the ATM to withdraw some money for his monthly grocery, the courier font that stated INSUFFICIENT FUNDS stared right at him. There he was, in his expensive regalia only worn by prime time celebrities, keys to a car he didn’t own swinging around his finger and yet at that moment; he didn’t even have a cent to his name to buy food.
He told me this story when he said that I should not pursue money. At the time I thought he was just giving the “I was once young and foolish” speech but now, the real message of his story is made extremely clear to me. We are so preoccupied with how we look in the eyes of society that the way we look to ourselves isn’t as important. We go to bed every night with satisfaction if we were able to win the approval of a particular group in society. Most visible area of this behaviour is seen in the youth who want a life in entertainment. They live for the validation of having many likes and followers on social media pages. One sees young girls transform into loose moral-less women all under the impression that their young and wild behaviour will win them approval in society. Some females see themselves to dignified for the wild and young lifestyles so we see them conducting themselves as these fierce and strong women. When in reality, they are as brittle as rusted iron. I once encountered a woman of this behaviour. She carried herself as if she is royalty and everything and everyone was below her. She feigned her own intelligence and spoke in a manner that undermines anyone in her conversation. Yet I once flashed the keys of my father’s car (he had asked me to run an errand for him) and suddenly this “high class” woman, was immensely attracted to me and saw me as a “worthy enough” man for her.
I fail to understand how this happens for us humans to fall into this trap. It is true that there a number of psychological theories that explain the social masks that we wear. One that I once read stated that it was simply impossible for humans to live without a social mask. The mask one wears when addressing his mother is different from the mask he wears when seducing a woman. These masks make a part of the social exchanges of our everyday life. Yet even so, why is that with some people when engaged, the realness of their personality is felt? Even though the person might be wearing a certain social mask, their true nature permeates from that mask. This feeling is unavoidable. A person who’s honest with themselves is a person who has a presence that’s totally unavoidable. As opposed to someone who tries to hard to fit in or someone who is unsure as to how to fit it. If we wear social masks everyday and everywhere, how can we then prevent the social masks from stealing our identities and true personalities?
The answer to this, personally I believe lies in the ability of a person to have an honest and true introspection of self. The ability to look oneself in the mirror and critic themselves, not only allows for self-growth but, allows for one to see themselves as who they truly are. They say that if a woman rejects a man, the man must not blame the woman but himself. This I believe can be applied in all areas of life. If one enters an interview but is rejected the job, one must not blame the employer but themselves. At that moment when the heart has been wounded, the blood that flows from it can heal the wound. By doing so, making the heart stronger. But if one is wounded and adds salt by being bitter to the situation that caused the wound, in no way can that person be stronger and heal effectively. The ability to continually critic ourselves I believe is an effective way for us not to lose ourselves to the slavish requirements of conformity in society. The moment we trust in the potential that is vested in us, social masks will lose their power to control our lives.
The beauty of an all-natural woman surpasses all ideas, concepts and any other form of beauty there is. This does not mean the woman just wakes up and says “I’m natural” and doesn’t wash her face. They work on their beauty by following certain grooming routines and living healthy lifestyles and they let the beauty within themselves radiate. Inasmuch a man who workouts, follows a proper grooming routine and takes time to pick out his clothes before going into public. This man is seen to be more handsome than the man who always overdresses because “a suit is a sign of success” or underdresses because “grooming and looking good is for gay men”. The men and women who take the time to look in the mirror and critic themselves honestly and openly often are the ones who their true nature radiates brightly like the sun. This honest approach to one’s self defeats the powers of the social masks that we wear that depend on the interactions we have on that day.
This discussion is one that goes very deep. Especially in our country where poverty is a very real reality among us Black people. Yet on mass media and social media one will find many Black people living the lives of people who reside in the Hamptons. We need to break this falsehood created by the need to conform. There has to be a balance between blending in and losing yourself. Inasmuch as a man, when you enter a room of women you want to have your presence felt it shouldn’t be at the cost of you losing your identity. Inasmuch you want your presence felt when entering into a conference of well-spoken and effluent individuals, you do not want to try so hard that you’ll be seen as being fake and trying too hard to fit in. The opposite spectrum is true in the sense that one doesn’t want to sell themselves so short that they not seen by those around them. Social masks are created to facilitate interaction within a situation. You can’t address the President in a manner you would to someone who gets on your very last nerve.
The mask however, should not conceal your eyes which houses your soul. The mask should not be so tightly pressed to your face that you will find it impossible to remove it when the interaction is over. You see this a lot in arrogant artists. They will speak to their mothers in the same vulgar language they use when interacting with other artists. The boundaries of respect should be clear as to what mask you will be wearing in a certain situation. Our true nature of our identiy at the end of the day creates the masks we wear. That identity can only be revealed when we look into the mirror. When we look directly in our own eyes, our own souls. Through this interaction, the masks fall off and we are faced with the true face of ourselves. In doing so, we never lose ourselves. We continue to fuel the fire that burns within us. The fire that gives us significance. This act of communicating with ourselves through host and open introspections is what will keep us alive and real in this dead and fake world.