I watched an episode of Date My Family a few days ago and I found that episode quite interesting. In this episode, this second year medical student intern visits the three respective families. From the onset, she clearly states she wants a man who believes in God. Nothing wrong with that. I have come to learn people love to believe in God. They enjoy being associated with the belief in a Higher Power even when they have the slightest idea which God they believe. This demand does seem fair and just. However, it’s the second demand, she was clear about, that got me thinking.
The reason why the second demand got me thinking is because at the end of the show, she even cried about it. I must say, that was very heart touching. Besides a man who believes in God, she stated that her ideal man should not consume alcohol. She said that she once experienced a terrible relationship because of alcohol. Every family she went to drank alcohol. I do not remember how the first family reacted to this demand but the second and third families’ reactions were very clear. The friend of the second family in those interviews with the cameraman, said that the girl’s standards are too high and she won’t find what she is looking for. While eating with this family, she stated the ‘obvious’ traits she wants in a man; respectful, loyal, loving, caring but she ended it off by saying he must not be a drinker. How are these standards high? Why is it the moment she mentioned the need for a non-alcohol drinking man, the expectations of the friends and the family of the prospective date change? Those common traits that most women seek, when topped off with the need for an alcohol free man, how then do they become high?
The girl visits the third and final family. This third family only had friends to speak for the prospective date. These friends come off as the ‘nearly-cool kids around the block’. There are the typical extroverted charismatic kind. This time while they eating, the girl asks if the ideal date drinks and once more, expressions twist to the question. In those cuts with the cameraman, this one friend with the greatest of confidence, raising her hands to the camera with the energy and motion as if she was Moses parting the Red Sea, proudly exclaims: “Everybody drinks alcohol!” At this moment in time, it reminded me why I limit my exposure to television and more specifically reality shows that air on television. The friend’s boldness in her proclamation left me dumbfounded. Because like the girl seeking love, I despise alcohol.
I fail to understand how a person will willingly allow themselves to consume so much of a substance to the point they lose their minds- literally. It does not make any justifiable sense whatsoever. A friend of mine, whom I hold in the highest of regard, told me that for him, he drinks just to enjoy the taste of alcohol. This friend of mine has enjoyed his fair amounts of ‘wilding out’ but lately; he now lives by the notion: drink responsibly. I know a couple of other guys who live by this notion and these guys control the alcohol that flow in their body. Like the smoker or heavy coffee drinker (which I am), alcohol to these guys help them ease down and unwind. The moment the effect of mind distortion occurs, these guys know it’s time to stop. These responsible drinkers are living reasons as to why alcohol is not a banned substance in the world we live. These are the drinkers as to why there house-priced bottles of wines, gins and whiskeys in the market.
I once saw a connoisseur of fine whiskey consume one of these bottles. He took a sip of the aromatic drink and closed his eyes as the drink made its way down his throat. You could see how the drink was coursing through his body, entering in all the right places. After the sip, he opened his eyes, looked at the glass and the beam of appreciation shone on his face so vividly it would make any person want to experience the same feeling. While I watched this connoisseur, it hit me. His reaction to the whiskey, his appreciation of the impeccable brewing of fine beverage, it was the same as my reaction, my appreciation when I first drank Mugg & Bean’s Caribbean Café Mocha.
The evil effects of alcohol arises from the obvious. The heavy drinkers who do not know when to say no. The ones who plan with limited budgets how they are going to ‘go all out’. Currently there’s a ‘we must continue drinking alcohol, if we die we die’ phrase going on. The last month-end of this year falls on the weekend. Thus it is safe to assume that most people are going to enter the new year very broke. Yes, other people used their salaries for a vacation with the family, others built or renovated homes for their elders and yes, others strategically allocated their money for investments or savings or any other avenue of wealth creation. Then other people are ready to party like its 1999. In the span of two days, they are consciously ready to spend their 30 days labour’s worth of wage. Others including their bonuses. This thought makes me very sad. These people are going to party and consume all the alcohol their body can contain. These people are going to go back to their loved ones in that aweful, drunk state. In that weakened and dumbed state, their loved ones will have to deal with them.
Tales are endless about drunk fathers who mercilessly beat their wives and children. Tales are endless about drunk mothers who willingly neglect their children for a ‘fun time in the streets’. When they are sober, most of them understand and see the need to change their ways. They will confess to their wrongdoings and will ask for forgiveness from those they have hurt. However, once they see that bottle that promises happiness at the end of it, they lose their minds. Why is this the case? There are research papers and articles that explain people’s behaviour towards alcohol. They know the cause of the distress they create. Yet they go back to that cause knowing very well the pain they create for their loved ones. Even the happy alcoholic. Their induced happiness is not genuine. Thus, they become an absolute irritation in their faked happy state to their loved ones.
What I do not understand is why people have to take a substance to help them feel a certain way. By this I mean, why do people have to drink to feel alive? Why do people have to smoke weed to ‘get high’? The moment a substance induces one’s ability to think, why take it into your system? The heavy cigarette smoker has smoked out lungs but their thinking is sharp. Even the heavy coffee drinker has health problems they are gambling with but their mind is sharp. The need of us as humans to seek outside ourselves to gain happiness or peace is what leads us down the deep end.
Back to Date My Family. When the driver was handing out bottles to rejected dates on the same Date My Family episode I watched, bottles upon bottles of emptied out alcohol littered one of the rejected guys room. On national television, that guy allowed the cameraman to take a glimpse into his life. His one friend was already out of his mind drunk. On national television, on a very popular TV show. That is profound. The saga does not end there. The date the girl chose, during the date she cringed. Thinking about that scene, I feel tears making their way to my eyes.
This guy arrived for the date looking contrary to what she thought. However, as a young girl seeking love she was ready to compromise on her values and standards. Nothing is as remarkable as a woman who is ready to be in love. I believe women have this ability because of their genetic make up to give birth to life, being vessels to produce purpose in human form. She sees the guy and already the disappointment courses in her body. However, she accepts him and they get in the car and head of to where they will have their lunch. During this lunch, she pauses and the disappointment she can no longer conceal. She stops eating, looks the guy dead in his eyes, and tells him that the ‘smell’ is overpowering. A cut with the cameraman and all the guy says is 'eish'. The cameraman cuts to an interview with the girl and she explains the smell. She said that it fumed out his mouth with each word he spoke. Using her hands, she emphasised the sheer potency of the smell. With tears glaring in the corners of her eyes, she said that guy reeked of alcohol. She broke down and before walking off; she asked one very simple question: “will I ever find love?” Thinking about this still sets emotions loose in my heart. Here was this woman who is beautiful, intelligent, elegant and is the embodiment of what a lady is. Here was this woman who was ready to compromise herself just to be in love. So much so, she invited a popular TV show to aid her in her hunt for the ideal lover. When she found what she was ready to settle for (compromise for), this substance so much loved called alcohol- stopped her dead in her tracks.
It is sad how we as a generation glorify alcohol. It speaks of our ignorance that when one doesn’t want alcohol in to be in relationship, we say that person is asking too much. A person who enjoys alcohol and can control the quantity they allow in their bodies are not the problem makers in our societies. Any person who uses any substance but does not allow that substance to influence their minds, than this person is not a problem in our societies and our families. Sadly, we have less responsible drinkers and more who drink to the point they black out because their minds fail to handle so much alcohol. Most often or not, the heavy drinkers are the ones who proclaim the ignorant chants such as ‘everybody drinks alcohol!’ The notions ‘we must drink, if we die we die’ are the phrases being popularised by social media to continue the creation of alcoholics in our societies. If unchecked, the behaviour and attitudes we have towards alcoholism will never change. In this world where we more passive than active in creating generational wealth and legacies, if unchecked, alcoholism will continue to degenerate our generation. For the Blackman who is already holding the very raw end of the stick, if unchecked, alcohol abuse will lead us straight into the abyss and there will be no chances of survival.
Already as it is we Black people (especially us South Africans), our cultures and traditions have been heavily whitewashed- in the very literal sense. We see the state of the Blackman getting beyond rational understanding drunk on public days such as 16 December. A day originally celebrated by Afrikaners for their victory over the Zulu nation way before Apartheid even started. We must be seeking ways to alleviate the ails of our communities and finding ways to build ourselves as a people. Verwoerd, the supreme intellect behind the creation of Apartheid, once explained why there is a tavern or bottle store in every township in South Africa yet close to no tavern or bottle store in the rich and formerly white-only suburbs. Our black brothers spend days upon days hanging outside the bottle store or taverns, harassing every one who passes by for R2 so to accumulate the coins to buy bottle after bottle. Not only is the alcohol pacifying his mind, but also the alcohol is creating an unproductive and unemployable member of society. Then as a people, we ask ourselves, why are the men not protecting our women? Why are our women not raising our children? Why are children so lost in the world we live in today?
Our attitudes towards alcohol needs to change. We cannot get rid of it. It is there. It exists and is readily available in our societies. Alcohol brings relief and allows for the responsible drinker to relax. Yet this very same substance is the source of great pain in many households and families. For others on a personal level like the girl who was seeking love on Date My Family. Alcohol is the source of the many great ails in our societies. There are many views towards alcohol and like HIV and AIDS, many campaigns created to educate our people about the substance. These are baby steps we have taken as a society. Now is the time we push harder and begin walking like adults towards fixing this great societal problem. A pastor once called alcohol ‘the devil’s juice.’ Seeing how we drink it, how we abuse it, and how we defend it, to some extent- he is right.