Seeking to understand oneself after a certain transformation is an extraordinary endeavor. I was having a conversation with a friend of mine and our conversation was interesting. He entered a state of self-improvement and in doing so, somehow altered his identity. Strangely, as my friend was talking, my heart and mind made connections with him. From once having a “sexy chubby” body to having what I call “I’m Mark and I cycle on Sundays after church” body, my own physical transformation has altered my identity. However, can an identity be altered? Is this possible?
In our conversation, my friend was discussing how he finds it difficult to find a woman. He feels that he cannot approach women because internally, within himself, he has changed. In his transformation, he changed so rapidly that he lost track of who he is and who he is becoming. I sat and realized that I too went through a similar process. When one was a round, chubby man, my identity was solidified in my weight. In terms of approaching women, one approached them knowing that they will be speaking with a chubby man. That being a chubby man will be a factor the female will have to consider if she finds me worth her time. The internal attributes like intelligence, personality and so forth were also ingrained in the chubbiness. There is no glory in having a soft midriff as a male. To compensate, confidence oozes from the fat cells that fill one’s body. Thus, physically, my being had meaning and from this meaning stemmed my identity.
With the fat cells now reduced and replaced by somewhat over-torn muscles, confidence now stems from somewhere else. Even though females appreciate a well-built male, because one has not programmed their mind to the fact they now “muscular” (so it is said to me), one approached females confused and lacking the confidence to win their heart. Even writing the word muscular causes a cringe within the stomach. The question to ask is why do we undergo these transformations? These transformations that alter our very thinking and fundamentally everything in our lives. A physical transformation from chubby to lean will see one change clothing because those pants are now reminiscent of the 90s hip-hop era. One begins enjoying small victories such as fastening one’s shoelaces without having to breathe hard. Lastly, a physical transformation will result in your crush, which never paid you no mind, to at last, recognize you as male worthy of her.
That simple dedication to go to the gym can lead to a domino effect of change in one’s life. The same can be said about the student who in high school, went to class for the sake of going to class. The same student when they reach varsity, most of often or not, they change and become the A student. In doing so, their street cred and their power to influence diminishes. As high school riffraff, they could command attention and respect. They spent a great deal of time learning the elements of power and vital skills that will enable them to survive even the harshest of conditions. They go to varsity, and their intellectual transformation leads them to be pacified. They become so consumed by their new fond intelligence that they become weakened by it. There are doctors and professors who are academic giants but if they were to be stranded in Setsing after 7pm, they would not survive to tell the tale. What causes this?
The fact that the transformation undergoes only one element of one’s life; it leads one to sideline other areas. The 30% high scholar who becomes the A grade student is usually so focused on his or her academics; they fail to see the death of their social life. In this, the death of much of their personality follows suit. They become irritants. They become pesky flies that live to annoy those who do not possess the same level of intelligence as them. By focusing on only one end of the picture, they become the pupil who looked at the master’s finger yet missing all the heavenly glory above. This form of transformation is what leads one to lose the true sense of their identity and forget who they truly are.
However, those that undergo a complete transformation, rarely lose sense of their identity. They decide they will transform their physical appearance and also their mind. By doing so, they have taken into consideration the effects that such a transformation will cause. This is the person who is focused in all areas of their life and has a laser-like focus. This is the man who knows exactly what type of women he loves and will not compromise. This is the woman who knows exactly what career path they desire and she will not compromise. They might face challenges, as all humans do, but they focus does not waver. They focus enables them to understand their transformation holistically and this enables them to have a firm hold on their identity.
Those that transform rapidly without a clear sense of direction, often or not they get lost in the journey. This is what happened to my friend and me. We were so focused to be better; in becoming better, we became worse. Worse in the sense we forgot who we were when we became new. Thus, in the journey of transformation we were forced to go back and find the elements that make us who we are. Unfortunately, others go so back that they change the total direction of their journey. The drug addict who once was healed of their addiction but returns to the drugs is a victim of this logic. The young man, who will possess the confidence of a thousand horses to transform his body, but after a month at the gym, forgets why he was in the gym in the first place; will fall back to a life where he remains unfit and leisurely enjoying life.
To undergo transformation at a rapid pace will not yield the benefits one wishes from the transformation. Transformation should take the form similar to that of the butterfly. It takes time and patience for the caterpillar to transform. If one rushes the process, in the form of breaking the cocoon or whatever, the butterfly will come out deformed. Nature teaches us many lessons that we need only learn from. The chick has to break the shell of its egg in order for it to develop into a strong chicken. The same can be said with human transformations. It is difficult to be dedicated to the gym. It is enduring to be dedicated to the pursuit of knowledge. It needs strength and patience.
If taken gradually and steadily, these elements of transformation lead to a true reformation of self. Beginning to read one book a month will lead to reading one book a week. Beginning with 5kg dumbbells at the gym will lead to lifting 30kg dumbbells. The gradual improvements enable the transformer to enjoy the process. As it said, it is about the journey and never about the destination. Transformation is an ever-ending process. There is no limit to the amount of books one can read. There is no limit to the amount of weights one can lift. The moment we realize that transformation is not a once-off occurrence, only then will we appreciate the transformation process. Only then, will we grow in the transformation process and not become lost in it.
In this world that promises instant gratification, we must take a step back to understand that things take time to manifest. The body we desire, we will not obtain in a year. The mind we wish to possess, we will not have after reading 10 books. The wealth we wish to obtain, we will not get in our first business deals. Any form of instant rewards in this regard is a result of a backdoor cheat that will end in misery. The bodybuilder who gets a super body in 2 weeks is probably a victim of steroid usage. Instantly he will get the body of the gods. Yet later in life, he will suffer a myriad of health issues that will affect even his masculinity. The young boy who becomes a genius in a month is likely a victim of excessive acid dropping. He too later in life will suffer mental issues that will continue the myth that “books make you crazy”.
It is the slow and steady that ensures the sustainability of set transformation. Chocolate and sweets give instant energy but a horrible crush. Oats and wholegrain bread give sustained energy and do not give that horrible crush. The only difference between the two is the taste. The same with human transformation. The taste of starting slow does not taste as good as that of starting grand. Yet the perceived “grand start” is only but the end of the rainbow. The true pot of gold is in the groundwork we undertake to transform ourselves. The moment we understand this, transformation will no longer be the destroyer of identity, but its enabler.
David Bowie once said that aging is this extraordinary process of becoming who you truly are. If one speeds this process, we age quickly and we die young. This is seen with someone like Tupac. It is a shock that he only died at the age of 26. Yet in his short life span, he had accelerated his aging process that he reached his prime early in life. In the same breath, Jay Z says that he only found his true calling at 26. Thus, one can say he aged slowly and gradually that now as he enters old age, like fine wine, he matured elegantly.
Even though we must win the race, life is a marathon that only the steady win.