It is quite the weird feeling. The feeling of being motivated to succeed and yet not feeling the energy to put in the work required for your success. A great laziness seems to rob one of the ability to focus. A great laziness seems to rob one of the ability to go out and “get it”. Sometimes, I wonder, what causes this emotion? This motivation of wanting to succeed but lacking the energy to go after the success?
Retracing the steps, one discovers that once upon a time, one never had this problem. One seemed to have an abundant source of energy ready to unleash in the pursuit of that which he desires. In the early years of my youth, working 12, sometimes even 16 hours a day was not a problem. Walking endless kilos a day in the name of the greater picture was never a problem. Only after the first disappointments that the willingness to go the extra mile begin to wane down. The first failures beat one down and to some extent, one hasn’t fully risen.
My English teacher in grade 7 used to say that one should never find themselves beneath the dust of the arena. She explained that the dust of the arena rises only to about knee level. She furthered added that if you find yourself in the dust of the arena, it means that you are the one who’s dying. Thinking about those words now, I realise that it is easy to get caught in the dust of the arena. It is easy to suffocate on the dust and it is easy to accept defeat and stay down.
But the fact is, all of us want to succeed and in all honesty, all of us have experienced some pain in our pursuit to success. The pain was either direct or indirect, but that pain holds many of us back from putting in the work. Just recently I discovered that I have a real fear of credit. Yet, almost every financial book that I have read has in some way or another stated that credit is a key tool in obtaining financial freedom or independence. I’m one of those that seek to have financial freedom before 40. But little did I know how deep my fear for credit really goes.
This fear I only realized when I opened a credit card account with the bank. Intellectually, I understand the importance of credit. Emotionally, it seems as if I still have a lot to learn. And that in itself is key. Emotions at the end of the day are what govern our actions. Not how well one may intellectually understand a concept, if they not emotionally tied to it, that concept will remain only a concept.
Hence that dust of the arena. The dust only chokes those that are not fully in tune with their emotions. The warrior who swings his sword with no fear has lost the battle. The soldier who shoots without the fear of death has already died. If a person does not emotionally comprehend the task that they perform, they fail to grasp the true essence of that task that they wish to perform. This is the key.
Emotions are what drives us to perform a task. Emotions are also what drives us not to perform a task. It is emotions that lead us to take action into doing something or not. Leading us back to the original discussion of this particular post. What causes us to have a feeling of success but not the willingness to act towards our success? I believe it has to do with our emotions. We do not tie an emotional connection with our success. Or if we do tie an emotional connection, the connection is not strong enough.
That connection can be strong at the beginning. But over time, when your moves do not yield the results desired, when disappointments meet you at every door, it becomes easy for that emotional connection to weaken. It makes sense why the great motivational speakers advocate having a success journal or a vision board so you get to interact with that you desire every morning when you wake and every night before you sleep. It is to protect and strengthen the emotional connection you have with what you call success.
Whatever that emotional connection is, that connection is what will keep you motivated to act on your dreams. A friend of mine was once hurt deeply by his ex-girlfriend. His ex-girlfriend decided that one night she will spend a night with her landlord. Her landlord drives a BMW X5. Obviously, she did not tell him about her treacherous act. It was only when the baby was born that she came clean. That pain runs so deep in my friend that it motivates him to want to be wealthy. To him, as he explained it to me, he wants to be so wealthy that his woman will never find another man’s riches charming. Yes, it could be argued that she perhaps cheated for other reasons. But to him, because he was a struggling student on NSFAS money at the time, to him, his ex cheated because of that. And that emotional connection is so strong in him, it is safe to say that he will soon attain his success.
My other friend has this desire to sleep with as many women as he can. His case is a bit complex but I thank him for allowing me to share this. It is a similar story to my other friend. His ex-girlfriend cheated on him. This ex, he loved and pledge himself to her. But the moment his ex decided to let another man have her, my friend tells me that he felt robbed of his masculinity. He explained that he felt that way because she was the only girl he had never been with. Both emotionally and sexually. He felt less of a man because another man could get what he thought only he could have. So my friend has this desire to sleep with many women. To him, sleeping with different women is what will prove, to himself, he is a man. That emotional damage is what motivates his goal.
Yes, that is extreme and it can be argued that my friend experienced a great deal of pain that perhaps he needs professional help to overcome. However, this pain is what motivates him to attain his goal. As complex and manipulative as it may sound. The fact is, the emotional connection to attain his goal is so strong, it keeps him at it.
The mistake that most of us do, is that we do not tie an emotional connection to a desire that we want. We half bake an emotional connection. Intellectually, we can create the ultimate reasons. For instance, most of us want to be successful. In that success, most of us want financial freedom or to be in a position to do whatever we want where money is not a problem. Intellectually, we create the most elaborate reasons why we need to be financially free. We understand the reasons. The reasons provide us with a logical footing to understand the need to be financially free. But most of us do not have an emotional reason to be financially free. If we do, it is not strong enough to see us through.
It is the emotions that we attach to our goals that determine the level of effort we are willing to put in. Like my friend with the goal to sleep with as many women as possible. To him, he realizes that guys who sleep with a lot of women usually go to the clubs. They usually spend ridiculous loads of money in the clubs in order to attract the women who are not looking for long-term commitment but just a fling. With this in mind, this is what motivates my friend to get money. For him, to be financially free is to be in a position to spend so much money on women that it won’t feel like it is a loss. His overall goal is to be the next Casanova and for him, to be the next Casanova is to be wealthy enough to spend on women who are attracted to money and not looking for a long-term commitment. His emotional connection is the pain he experienced with his ex. He uses that pain, that emotional connection, to propel himself towards his goal.
The same with the other friend. However, for him, the need to be wealthy is to feel more secure. For he believes that if he has enough money, he will be able to provide for himself and his woman and therefore, his woman will not leave. The pain he experienced with his ex who slept with the landlord with the BMW X5, for him he uses that pain to pursue his financial goals. For him, being financially free is being a provider and is a way of not losing a woman.
Both of my friends have these emotional connections to their goals. These emotional connections keep them above the dust of the arena. These emotional connections enable my friends to find the motivation to keep going even when they do not feel like that. These emotional connections are not fabrications of the mind. They are not intellectually constructed. For if they were intellectually constructed, it would have been easy to convince them out of their goals.
Intellectually constructed connections to goals are reason-based. They are formulated by reasoning. And reasoning can also be changed. Emotions, not so much. It takes more energy and effort to alter one’s emotions. Hence heartbreaks are so painful. It is harder to fall out of love than it is to fall in love. Simply because once you love someone, an emotional connection has been created with that person. Before falling in love, there is no connection. There is nothing tying you to a certain individual. But once the connection has been created, there is now a solid link between you and the person you love. Hence, breaking that connection is so hard. The connection may sometimes break and the emotions may linger. Some people refer to this as soul ties. Emotional connections to another human or to an ideal or goal are harder to break (or even to destroy) than intellectually created connections.
The problem lies there. Most of us have a clear intellectual understanding of our success and what that success requires of us. We have a clear intellectual understanding of what our success means to us. But unless we have an emotional understanding of our success, the willingness to pursue our success will remain futile. Without that emotional connection to our desires and dreams, we will forever remain beneath the dust of the arena; suffocating to our own defeat and failures.
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