Isolation is a beautiful thing. It is how Buddha found enlightenment. It is how Miyamoto Musashi mastered the art of the sword. It is how Jesus knew He is the Son of God. Going on long isolated periods gives one the ability to be outside themselves. You get the chance to somewhat escape your body and view yourself from the eyes of the third person. And for me, this is what I saw.
I saw how my friends have changed but in the same breath have not changed. One time when we were hanging out, I realised that this one guy whom I called a friend is actually not a friend. We were hanging out and under the influence, his true colours came out. In conversation, the words he used and the manner in which he used them, especially towards me, made me realise that this person is not a friend. Instead, he is a snake who was merely waiting for the moment to strike.
I do not deny the fact that I have been through a tough spell lately. Since I decided to enter this long period of isolation. And so, my being at its lowest, the snake disguised as a friend found it as a perfect time to strike. It is weird because if this was some years ago, one would have labelled it as “that’s the way he is”. But maturity and isolation made one realise that indeed that’s the way he is, someone who preys on the downfall of his “friends”.
In the same breath, I saw my real friends. Some haven’t changed. If having fun was drinking alcohol when they were 14, even now at the age of 30 they still indulge in the same fun. On the surface level, there is nothing wrong with this. They are living life the way they want. But on a deeper level, it reveals no growth in the person they have become.
It is not the growth of a river breaking through new lands. It is the growth of still water merely getting deeper. Still water is stagnant and continues to foster dead life. And this I saw in my friends.
Because of this stagnation, in some of my friends, it saddens me how they have lost the sparkle in their eyes. It saddens me that life has lost meaning for them. They seem to be trapped by the limitations of what they have characterised as life. And yes, some of my friends have experienced life-altering events that would knock anyone off life. With them, I truly sympathise.
Being isolated from everyone, friends included, made me realise how different our lives have become. I am one who still holds on to a life where I believe I must own and control my time. Time is a currency that measures life. So someone who controls your time controls your life. It is wild how I’d compromise this belief becomes of my friends. Becomes of the need to belong. But now, I notice the rift that’s beginning to develop. I do not find entertainment in sitting and talking about days in high school. There is no joy for me in such settings. I find them a waste of time. Being isolated gave me a deeper understanding of how deeply profound a waste of time this is for me.
I may love my friends. I may cherish them. But isolation gave me an understanding that right now in my life, in this phase that I am in, I do not need them. This may seem a bit harsh but my closest friend when I came out of isolation was not surprised. He understood completely. I even missed his birthday but he was absolutely cool with it. If you ask me, that’s all the friend I need.
But regardless of the case, I am still human. A human who needs social interaction. I am still a man. A man who’ll long for the warmth of a woman. But lately, I learnt a valuable lesson regarding a woman’s love that I would have never learnt if I hadn’t entered this state of isolation.
Most women lack the ability to handle a man when he is at his lowest. I have dated way more than enough women to come to this conclusion. I have dated women who would compromise their core values for a man who has more money than me. Values that I believed were embedded in their being. I have dated women who when you are down, their dark traid personalities seem to find power and they lose all respect for you. And when that happens, I know that it will be a matter of time before I get the “let’s break up” text.
And look, I am not going to paint myself as a saint. Some of the women I’ve dated I look back and realise that I was the problem. Indeed in some relationships, I marvel at how a woman was able to hold on for the duration in which they did. Indeed for these women, one realises I am simply not the one for them.
However, isolation has taught me that women cannot be with a broke man. Financially or otherwise. They simply cannot. And if you think about it, it is merely their biological wiring. A woman wants to be with a man who’ll be able to protect and provide for her. That is why a big looking man will be more attractive to most men than a skinny guy. And that is why men with money usually end up with the most beautiful women in the village.
Money in today’s world is the vehicle that provides and even protects, women. There was only one woman I’ve dated who seemed not to be wired like this. But that in itself caused a conflict as she was trying to fulfil the role of both woman and man. Evidently treating me like a child. And of course, that relationship did not last long.
Perhaps it is a woman thing but I have met very few women who have a full understanding of their character flaws and who actively work on them. It is crazy. I first saw this on many street interviewers where women would give themselves an 8, 9 or even 10 out of 10 rating of how perfect they are. I saw this with the hundreds of interviews on podcasters like Kevin Samuels where a woman can be 40 with 4 children and still believe she is still the hottest catch in the ocean.
I thought this was just internet entertainment. But I started seeing this in the women I dated, both in a serious setting and a casual one. Most of them are plain narcissists. And I mean the term in its traditional psychological context. In that context, everyone has a sense of narcissism to them. But women seem to have it in super sayian mode.
Think about it. Most women will say things such as they need to look good for their man. They need to have their nails, and hair and have outfits that are fitting for their man. This is a subtle way of saying, I need to look good at your expense. Me looking good is the cost of you being with me is what she is saying. In some cases, this cost might not be monetary. It might be in the cost of time or something else that is valuable.
When you as a man are at your lowest, you do not have that which the woman will find valuable. You do not have the money to take out on dates or to honour her with gifts. If you are like me, and you are fully committed to making your dreams of financial freedom a reality, you do not have the abundance of time to award her with. Because to you, every second is attributed to the realisation of this dream.
Isolation has taught me that, as a man, when you have not attained your dreams, do not be with a woman. If you have nothing valuable, money or time or whatever, do not be with a woman. You might find yourself a true gem. You might find yourself a truly good woman, an extremely rare commodity in today’s world. But if you do not have money, time or anything valuable to exchange for her love, do not pursue her. She will leave you. Sometimes for another man but most of the time because of that super sayian narcissism that will tell her she deserves better.
Being isolated can be difficult. You’ll be hit with deep loneliness and spells of dark depression. But isolation allows you to attain the highest need a human can attain: self-realisation. And with these self-realised eyes, when you step out of isolation, it is easier for you to discern between that which is for you and that which is not for you.
You’ll be able to see pointless conversations. You’ll be able to see pointless interactions. And in this, the factors of those pointless interactions will eliminate themselves from your life. Like somewhat of cleansing, going for long periods of isolation cuts off the many life-draining interactions we encounter in our lives. The interactions that remain after your periods of isolation are the ones that were true and intended for your soul.
For me? My love and appreciation for my family deepened after being isolated. The few friends that remain, my love and appreciation for them deepened as well. Yes, I experienced the darkest, most surreal versions of myself in this isolation but it allowed me to see me for who I am.
We are scared of being isolated because we find comfort in the social circles that identify our personalities. Our friends, our work or our relationships. But I implore you that when you can, step away from it all. Take that time to become friends with your true inner self. For that inner self is the true being of who we are. Like Jesus in the desert or Buddha under the tree, it is only when we are alone with ourselves that we can truly find ourselves.
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