The Island Boys have been on my mind lately. More accurately, their viral “I’m an island boy, and I’m just trying to make it” TikTok is the one on my mind. And I think I know why.
We are all trying to make it. We are all trying to be somebody. It is unfortunate that we live in a world where anybody can be somebody. Now, that sounds quite negative and contradicts the first sentence of this paragraph. But, let me explain.
With the power that social media provides to people, Nthabiseng next door can be popular. Themba down the street can be popular. I am not sure which rapper said this but there’s a line where the rapper says a person can be famous for being famous. You know, unlike the reality stars and “socialites” pre-social media, today a person can be famous for virtually nothing at all. I mean look at Bella Poarch.
A young girl can literally document her entire life on social media and be famous. A young man can literally document his entire life on social media and be famous. Perhaps I am paranoid but I find that to be the height of foolishness.
In the murder investigation of Pop Smoke, police identified that one way that the killers found him was through his Instagram stories. They say that on the day of his murder, the killers were actually looking to merely rob the rapper. They knew that he would be around the city for a performance and so, the killers tracked his movements on Instagram. Unfortunately for Pop Smoke, in his posts, he gave enough information for the gangsters to find him. They found him, robbed him and in fighting back, Pop Smoke was shot and died from the gunshot.
The same can be said about our beloved AKA. Yes, I am one of those who believe that his murder was calculated. I believe that his murder was one that was planned out and carefully curated. And real detectives indicate that him giving off locations on the socials before his main show in Durban, made it easier for the criminals to find him.
But I am not a detective nor do I want to be one. I was merely expressing how dangerous it is to have your life on social media. But that’s the trick. We want our lives on social media because on social media, we can find better acceptance than in our real worlds. Social media allows us to escape the misery of our lives. We can be a somebody on the socials. We can be “famous”.
For instance, I will make an example of this blog. Within my close circle, it is merely a handful of people who take time to read what is on it. Some of my closest friends have confessed to me that they have never read anything I’ve written. Not even my books.
But on the socials, I have learnt that girls I used to crush read my blog. People from America and even Japan read my blog. I remember this one lady whom I follow on Instagram told me that she finds aspiration and hope in my blog. And what is weird about that is that I once felt a compelling need to write something and I had her in mind. Mind you, this lady is from France and I will probably never meet her. But I wrote regardless with her in mind. And it is on that post she responded with those kind words. It is insistences like that that have convinced me that this blog is a God-given purpose for my life.
I use the blog as an example of the somebody trying to be somebody story. Like many of us who notice a slight uptake in likes and praises, we become infatuated by the idea of being known and being accepted that we want more. In wanting more, I DMed several successful artists with over 100k followers and asked them how they found success in their art. The majority ignored me, as expected, but the few who responded gave me really meaningful advice.
One of the pieces of advice was to be more comfortable revealing a more personal side of me; to make it more human-like. One lady (with close to 300k followers) said that my account looked catfishy. And so, I embarked on this humanification of my Instagram account. I started posting things outside my blog and posted more of my personal life. To be honest, I felt uncomfortable.
To me, it feels uncomfortable sharing my personal life like my location for instance. So I usually post misleading locations that are based on where most of the blog readers come from. I feel uncomfortable sharing pictures of people close to me. Yes, I am not a celebrity. In fact, I am as insignificant as the dust particle that lands on your coffee table. However, this does not mean I should lose my rationality to my privacy and safety in wanting more reach for the blog.
It is bad enough that these social media platforms do not care about your privacy. I don’t remember when but there was a time when people were posting pictures stating that their pictures are private and do not provide consent to Instagram to use them. Meta announced Emu recently, an AI generative platform that learnt how to draw AI images from the data it obtained across Meta platforms. Do you think Instagram stopped to see which accounts had that disclaimer on their accounts? No. Those posts were nullified by the terms and conditions that we agreed to when we created an Instagram account that the artwork or general posts we share on Instagram belong to Instagram.
In us trying to be somebody in a world where anybody can be anybody, we forget that to be somebody we need to put the work in. There is a price to pay, both financial and non-financial. It is interesting to learn that someone like Trevor Noah for instance was not widely accepted in the comedic space in South Africa. In fact, what he did with one-man shows was still a new concept in the country at the time.
A lot of established comedians found Trevor Noah to be disrespecting comedy and the art of stand-up. They said, at the time, that for someone who had only been doing comedy for about a year (or two, don’t remember) he was arrogant and too full of himself to think he could pull off such a feat. Lo and behold, Trevor Noah persisted and his debut one-man show Day Walker, changed the way we South Africans consume comedy. And looking at Trevor Noah, it is safe to say it worked out just fine.
Someone like Trevor Noah became somebody because he worked to be somebody. A similar narrative follows suit for Kevin Hart, Kendrick Lamar, Will Smith, Kwesta, Casper Nyovest and almost all notable celebrities that you can think of. They applied themselves and worked to become a somebody.
What most of us do is hope and pray we will be somebody. We hope and pray that the likes and social acceptance we get on social media will pave the way for us to be a somebody. Forgetting that those likes and perceived social acceptance, is how the platform keeps you on the platform. Like a good casino, these platforms will make one or two of your posts go viral to make you think you might have a chance. But unfortunately, that’s not the case. To be a somebody of value, there is a price to pay. A price most of us unfortunately do not know or naively believe we do not need to pay.
Any successful woman artist has had to objectify herself a bit (or entirely) to be successful. If not, they had to have relationships with really powerful and rich men to find success. And these really powerful and rich men are not 20-year-olds. Is that a price, as a young woman, you are willing to pay to find success?
I can think of very few famous and well-respected female celebrities who found success without paying such a price. But their success is not the success desired by most young girls. I don’t think the average Thembi or Mantwa dreams of becoming an Angela Davis. I believe they dream of becoming a Cyan Boujee, Mihlali Ndamase or that other lady whose friends thought she was kidnapped only to find she was in Dubai with a scandalous businessman buying her Rolex watches. Yes, more than one watch.
And the same is true for men. There is a price that must be paid for most men to find success as well. The common price for a man is being another man’s tool. Most famously is when men are forced to dress up as women to attain some success. You see, this is just to demonstrate power by the more powerful male executive.
No male wants to be dominated. No male wants to be challenged. That is why when the son has grown up, he leaves his father’s house to build his own. This is not only logical but on a primal basis, it so not to compete with the father. Powerful men do not want their position challenged and so, they will put the young man in compromising positions merely to establish their dominance.
That’s why gangsters in prisons have male “wives”. That’s why some blessers when they learn of their young female blesse having a male boyfriend, the blesser will tell the blesse to bring him over to sodomise the young man so he understands his place. Now tell me, as a man, is that a price you are willing to pay for success?
Most men will say no. But with money that will change their lives in front of them and all they need to do is wear a dress, or kiss a male executive most men fold. However, the unfair advantage that men have that women unfortunately do not have is that as men, we can say no and fight through to be successful.
Think 50 Cent, Dr. Dre or most of the gangster rappers. They became successful by staying true to themselves and being themselves. They refused to submit to the next man. One might argue and say that 50 Cent submitted to Eminem. This might be true but in the same breath, 50 Cent did not compromise on his values. Unlike if he signed with Diddy who 50 Cent has exposed multiple times asked 50 Cent to perform or engage in certain acts, unsavoury acts, to propel his success. 50 Cent rejected Diddy’s offers and went on to be successful with Eminem who was more of a mentor than a master. We men can claw our way to success, an option that unfortunately most women do not have.
As we try to be somebodies in a world where anybody can be somebodies, the question is, who are you trying to be? Are you trying to be somebody because Instagram fooled you believing you can be a somebody? Are you comfortable putting your life at risk with every daily vlog you post? Especially if you are a young lady. Let’s not forget just how twisted some South African men can be. Let’s never forget Karabo Mokoena, Nicola Pienaar and the millions of South African women who have fallen victim to their boyfriends.
So. as a woman, are you ready to become an object of fascination to powerful men who can change your life overnight? Are you ready to be an object to simps who will pay you generous amounts of money to see more of you, only if you can fulfil their fantasies, in the real world or on the socials? Taking into account the sick twisted dark side of some South African men? Are you willing to pay that price?
As a man, having this unfair advantage, do you possess the strength to fight the lion already ruling the den? Or are you going to fold and bend over for that powerful man or woman who can change your life in a heartbeat?
We are all trying to be somebody. It is important to remember that in being somebody, there is a price to pay. Nelson Mandela sacrificed the prime of his life for a peaceful end to Apartheid and a peaceful transition of political power. Some even say he sold out for his dream to materialise. That was the price he paid for his greatness and legacy that still stands.
Michael Jordan and Michael Jackson sacrificed a normal life for the greatness they achieved. Michael Jackson craved a normal life so bad (intentionally grammatical error just for a pun), that he once rented out an entire grocery store and had his family and friends pretend to work there and be regular shoppers so he could enjoy the experience of buying groceries.
To be somebody, something needs to give. Bella Poarch to me is a talentless woman. But I am not her market at the end of the day. She noticed that if she became the “innocent girl next neighbourhood” and preyed on the loneliness of simps, she would find success. And success she found. That’s the price she paid. Do you think a girl who got military training will just create such a persona? No, it was calculated and she noticed a clear opportunity and took advantage of it.
The truth is we cannot all be somebodies. More accurately, we cannot be somebodies that social media will verify as a somebody. Hence the common saying among wealthy people is that even if all the richest people distribute their wealth equally across the world, that money will surely flow back to their bank accounts. It is a sad realisation but an important realisation that not everyone, especially according to social media standards, can succeed. You could find you need to merely change your definition of success for you to succeed in the real world.
I remember I once asked a guy what he would do if he won the lotto and he said that he would buy himself a house, a car and enjoy the rest of the money. I was shocked and kept probing him why. Why would he use life-changing money for a normal life? It is only years later I realised that for him, that is success. For him, having a house and a car and the ability to enjoy life, is his definition of success. That is him becoming a somebody.
For him, the price to pay is generating enough income to afford him a house, a car and the ability to enjoy life. This might be getting a good-paying job or having a good business. That is his price for his life.
Unfortunately, social media does not regard this as being somebody. Again, I don’t think many young men dream of becoming Malcolm X or Ntate Thabang with his beat Rav4 down the street. They would rather be a Casper Nyovest with women throwing themselves to.
But regardless of who you want to be, the person you desire to become does have a price. The important thing is to ask yourself, who do you want to be? Take the time to understand those who have achieved similar success. Study them. Study everything about them.
Someone like Nicki Minaj went for multiple body modifications to accentuate her womanly body. And she’s not shy from objectifying herself. Someone like 50 Cent went from being a street gangster to being a corporate powerhouse. He went from wearing bulletproof vests to wearing suits. Study the people who you wish to emulate their success to translate it into yours.
Lastly, look at the price they paid. Are you willing to pay it too? Is that lady you adore, who is travelling the world known to be romantically involved with a 50-year-old millionaire, who financing her dreams, ask yourself are you ready for such a relationship in order to be like her? As a woman, are you ready to date your dad’s peer? As a man, are you ready to be dominated by a woman who’s your mother’s peer?
Are you ready to show some skin in every second Instagram post so as to monetise yourself to simps who are ready and willing to pay you handsome amounts to see more? Let’s not forget, that your Xoli Mfekas make more money than the church girl with the dress that wraps her from neck to toe. However, the question remains, are you ready to pay such a price for such success?
Answering these questions will help shape your true aspirations and who you truly wish to be. You might realise, like the guy I asked about the lotto winnings, that you desire merely a simple life. You might realise that the life you desire, you are already living it. You might realise that you are already the somebody that you wish to be. You might realise that social media is in fact giving you a false impression of who you desire to be.
We grew up pre-social media. So we found aspiration in articles such as the Forbes 30under30 lists. It is only later when we become adults that we learn that most of the individuals on those lists paid to be on them. Now those lists are being called the list of pre-convicted criminals. Look at your Theranos and FTX. Their respective owners were seen as pioneers and were seen as the next game changers. And game changers they were. They pioneered new and innovative ways to scam people.
Who you desire to be should be somebody you desire to be. Not because social media told you to. Like the well-meaning advice that for my page to blow up, I need to show more of me. I realised that as good as advice this may be, it’s not who I want to be. Yes, I want to be wealthy but I do not want to be famous. I do not want to be a celebrity. I could care less about fame. Me documenting my life, my private life publicly on social media just for a wide reach for the blog is a price I am not willing to pay.
By knowing myself and who I want to be, I can set the boundaries around what I will do and what I will not do for success. I implore you to embark on a similar journey. There’s nothing wrong with wanting that which is not social media approved. And you might find that outside the realm of social media, lies your greatest treasure.
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