Men and Money.

“Nah Dawg, I have to keep my sauce dripping,” he said.

“A man is only as handsome as his pocket,” society said.

“I have standards,” she said.

Doesn’t the sauce finish dripping? How deep should this pocket be to be handsome? What about my standards? It still blows my mind how broke we really are as a country. Both financially and intellectually. But, before we get into this conversation, I want to break down some numbers. There are a lot of assumptions around these numbers but they form the basis of this conversation.

The numbers:

· According to the World Bank, about 55% of South Africa are living below the poverty line. Meaning more than 1 in every second South African is struggling to meet their basic needs. So between you and your partner, someone is struggling.

· Stats SA says that there are 60,6 million South Africans. Meaning, 33.33 million South Africans are living below the poverty line.

· The Poverty Line (if you earn less than this amount, you considered being in poverty) according to Stats SA 2021 stated that it’s if an individual is earning R1335 per month.

· Statista further tells us that there are 15.6 million South Africans who are formally employed.

· 64.18% of the youth (individuals aged between 18 – 24 according to Statista) are unemployed in our country. This does not include those who are no longer looking for work or in higher learning institutes. But to keep things simple, we can assume that it means that 35.2 % of the youth are employed in the country.

· So we can say that out of the 15.6 million employed South Africans, 5,5 million youth are employed in the country.

Now let’s see how much people earn to make sense of these numbers:

· BusinessTech states that the bottom 50% earns R12 350 per year. Not per month, per year. Hence one in every South Africa lives in poverty stat. The bottom 50% earns R1 029 per month.

· BusinessTech further states the middle 50% earns R82 650 per year which equates to R6 888 per month.

· The top 10%, according to BusinessTech, earns R783 750 per year which equates to R65 313 per month.

· The very 1% of the country again according to BusinessTech earns R2 584 000 which is R215 333 per month.

· If you earn more than R14 688, you are part of the 18% of the richest people in the country.

Now we have the numbers, what does this mean? I’m sorry about the many bullets but they need to be listed so that this conversation can make sense. To make further sense, I use the example of someone who pursued a degree in B. Com Marketing. The reason is that this is a common degree and is not a specialist degree such as engineering, law, education or medicine.

And this youth is focused on life in that they complete their 3-year degree in record time. He completed his degree at the age of 21 but does not have any work experience. So, obviously struggles a bit to get a job straight from university. But remember, this youth is focused. So instead of folding his arms, he decided that he will be a waiter, a packer at a retail store or be part of the part-time jobs offered at school to gain experience. He does this for a full year, in which he is now 22.

This guy is focused. This is a journey that many South Africans do not enjoy but for the sake of the conversation, we will carry on with this young man’s journey. At the age of 22, with one year’s experience, he is lucky to find a job as a marketing assistant where he is earning around R13 000. So after deductions (in which we only deduct PAYE), his take-home is R11 898. This youth is fortunate that he stays with family, so he doesn’t have to pay rent, utilities or anything of that matter. All that money falls into his pocket.

After working for 5 years with the organisation, at the age of 27, he finally gets promoted as a marketing manager in his department. As a marketing manager, the now young man earns roughly about R25 000 (which is close to the national average by the way). After deductions (again, taking only PAYE and assuming he is staying with his family and still has no bills to his name) his take home is R21 198.

At this rate, this person falls within the 18% of people who are financially stable in life. In numbers, he is part of the 2.8m (18% of the 15.6 million working South Africans) South Africans who are considered rich in our economy.

With only R21 198.

But let’s be realistic for a minute. Not everyone is blessed with a straightforward trajectory in their career path like this example. Many South Africans have higher-level degrees sitting at home. And even if you are working, the moment we begin to add bills, the take-home amount begins to drop substantially. And for the purpose of this conversation, I will add basic bills that most working, real South Africans have. The income is still R25 000 of the national average income and we’ll say that this individual lives and works in Midrand.

The bills per month:

· Car payment: R4 400 (for a VW 2014 Golf cause that’s the working man’s car)

· Rent: R4 500

· PAYE: R3 802

· Car Insurance: R2 300 (average insurance on a VW Golf because it’s a high-risk vehicle. And remember, our character is only 27 years of age so best believe the insurance is way higher.

· Provident Fund: R2 500 (at 10% of gross income)

· Loan: R500 (almost all real South Africans have a loan. Either they needed to relocate, pay for studies, or build an extra room at home but there’s usually a loan being paid off.)

· Netflix: R139 for the standard package

· Petrol: R2 000 (depending on how often he travels.)

· Groceries and Toiletries: R1 700 (for most guys. I know some guys spend less on this.)

· Water & Electricity: R800

· Clothing Account: R500

Once we deduct these costs from the average income the man makes, he is left with about R1859. Now note, I did not include his entertainment, his medical aid, his life cover, his own personal savings or anything of that nature. The moment we add those amounts, his man will be dead broke and for the purpose of this conversation we don’t want that.

We will discuss this man with the R1859 that he has left over for himself and his relationship with it. More accurately, in the three questions that began this conversation. And for the sake of simplicity, I’ll use one example for each question.

“Nah Dawg, I have to keep my sauce dripping”, he said.

This young man is pressured by society and his friends that tell him that a man should be fresh. He is pressured that he must dress good and smell good. His friend tells him about Dior Savage and that he should try it. He looks up the price for this Savage and he realises that a single bottle at Edgars costs close to R2000. He is a little under R200 short. Perhaps he can ask his sister to help him with the R200 for him to get the bottle. After all, he saw a TikTok video explaining the importance of a man smelling good.

In this video, the man is standing in the middle of a field. At first, the TikToker is standing alone and the caption reads “no cologne”. And then shortly after throwing some seeds around, some chickens start to surround him and the caption changes to “with cologne”. And he remembered that Twitter baddie that he has a crush on with close to 500k followers saying that a man smelling of Savage is a savage. Perhaps he should swallow his pride and ask his sister for the shortfall to get that bottle.

“A man is only as handsome as his pocket,” society said.

After getting his car, he thought that driving a Golf that’s relatively still new in the market will boost his social standing. But at the estate where he is renting, next to him, there’s a man who has parked a 2020 BMW 3 series with the M package. Further down, there’s a lady who’s driving a 2016 Mercedes Benz A250 with the AMG package.

He thought that purchasing his car will add value to his name but instead, he finds that he is in competition with the next man. After all, it is the lion with the loudest roar and richest mane that gets the lioness. If that woman in the Mercedes were to meet him and the man who wears silk in his BMW, obviously he won’t stand a chance. Why would a woman date a man who is financially beneath her? If he was above her financially, it should show with his car right?

This eats him but he takes solace in the university girl living on NSFAS resting in his apartment who appreciates his Golf.

“I have standards,” she said.

This is what the university girl told him on their first date. That she has standards, and she expects to get roses every month and to get her nails and hair done. He just bought the Savage that his friends were talking about, and he isn’t sure whether it was the Dior or the Golf that got him this date. This date that he is using his credit card for (I did not include credit card instalments in his bills because when used wisely, which our focused young man is doing, it can actually be an emergency fund to sustain one month-to-month expenses).

At first, he didn’t understand this young 23-year-old girl talking about standards which she cannot afford. But he remembered that the same Twitter baddie whom he loves so much once tweeted that buying a girl roses and showering her with gifts is a sure way of winning her heart. And not only winning her heart but keeping it as well.

So, when he did a mental calculation of how much he spent on her over two months of seducing her, the amount came close to R4000. The amount included the following:

· Two dates at Spur that cost about R550 each per month. So, a total of R1100 a month, adding to R2200 over two months.

· R550 worth of bouquets of roses a month so a total of R1100 over two months.

· Roughly R700 on random purchases such as her data, her bag from Identity, her nails, and other small purchases over the two months.

Yet this girl is unemployed and living off NSFAS. But again a man is only as handsome as his pocket and she has standards. Luckily, they are not the same standards as the lady driving the A250. He knows he would never afford her standards but this naïve unemployed university student who has never earned income in her life, he can afford.

So what?

What’s the point of this conversation? I just described the life of most guys who work. Fundamentally, there’s nothing special about this guy except that he has had a forward trajectory in his life. And that’s where the purpose of this conversation originates.

We think of the working man and usually think of such a dude. A dude who drives a Golf (or Polo), lives in a decent apartment and can afford the basic things in life. There are many costs that I did not include. Costs around wealth creation and preservation. I did not include costs around physical maintenance such as medical aid (or scheme) and a gym membership. This is, however, the typical man who works in our country.

The danger is that we tend to forget the numbers that we began with. This “typical” guy falls part of the top 18% of South Africans. The remaining 82% of South Africans are merely getting by. And remember, 1 in every second South African is living below the poverty line.

The moment we forget these numbers, we fall under the illusion that people who are employed have money when in actuality, a majority do not. In fact, let me be accurate. Social media platforms such as Instagram and Twitter have painted a picture of what a working man should live.

The working man must smell of Dior (a bottle that more than 55% of South Africans cannot afford), the man should be driving a Golf or Polo (at R4400 at average at 13,5% interest, neglecting the insurance and maintenance associated with that car) and that he should remember that a girl has standards.

What about his standards? It seems inequality forgets to mention his standards. That as a man it is okay to spend close to R2 000 a month on a woman, even when that woman is unemployed. And what’s ironic is that most working women do not even expect a man to fulfil these social media imposed standards.

Because a working woman incurs similar costs as him. So, she understands the struggles that he is facing financially. And so, unfortunately, most men follow the advice of fake personas of baddies on social media instead of real personas of real women in the real world. They fail to seduce real women because real women do not ascribe to the advice propagated by those fake personas.

Those fake personas resonate with unemployed women who have never paid taxes. The propaganda of standards sounds romantic to a woman who has never experienced seeing debt orders extract over 80% of her income.

We applaud some of these fake personas because they were able to be persistent in creating those personas and now they are able to generate income that is close to the top 10% of the country. This is not the States though. The top 10% of South Africans earn about R65 000 a month, not like the States where the 10% earn upwards of R3m. The fact that DJ Sbu confessed on his socials that he earns about R55 000 a month but struggles to make ends meet tells us that being in the top 10% (or close to it) in our country does not secure financial success or freedom.

The disconnect that most of us have from reality regarding money is extremely profound. This is important to note, especially us who desire financial freedom. The fake personas that propagated a material lifestyle should not dictate how we spend money.

Granted, there are people who do not aspire to become millionaires. Someone might read this and find nothing wrong with it. That, indeed, this is how a man should live. If he is able to drive a beautiful fast car, live in a decent place, feed himself and have a woman, fundamentally that’s all a man needs.

But if you like me and do not foresee yourself working at the age of 40, then it is imperative we take note of the true economic climate of our country. They say that it takes the average individual over ten years to make their first million. In our country, over ten years will grant you a job that pays an average of R65 310, which is R783 720 per year. We need a bit more than 10 years to make a million.

We should not be deceived by the celebrities who managed to find success relevantly quickly. They are anomalies. And for us young men, we should not be deceived by society and its standards. A great deal of society is deceived by social media and many of us fall prey to this.

We see a 40-year-old, who probably worked a solid 20 years straight, in his Viano (a car that a 2018 model costs R18 420 per month, granted a deposit close to R100 000 was paid) with unemployed university baddies popping Remy Martins and Moets and believe that’s wealth. When your reality is that of a 27-year-old and your take-home goes not even pay a single instalment of that Viano.

We read a tweet from an OnlyFans Model with close to 200k followers saying that she only sleeps with men who smell of Tom Ford. The most affordable Tom Ford cologne averages around R2 500. But because this a beautiful woman who tells you how to engage her sexuality (and because she’s an OnlyFans model, she has mastered the art of seduction to make you want her as well) you think if you purchase this bottle then maybe, someday you’ll give entry into her. Yet you fail to realise that’s a persona she has created for her online presence.

And if you are 27 years old and you have dated a couple of women, you will realise that real women do not have the same desires as the fake personas online. They have real problems that they are facing. They are not facing problems of sunburnt skin from being on the sands of Dubai. They are facing the stresses of that one colleague at work. Real women do not expect you to meet their financial needs. And if she is working, she understands the burdens of financial responsibility. Chances are that what she needs from you is your masculine energy to complement her female energy.

And the same does translate to some unemployed women. Not all university girls are airheads chasing after money. Some are mature enough to understand that a man is not an ATM. But in the same breath, the man himself needs to unlearn the belief that he is an ATM. That his masculinity is not directly correlated with the depths of his pockets.

We as young men need to learn how to handle our finances and use our finances for us. If a man decides to purchase a car, it should be a car that he can truly afford. It should not because it will make him cool among friends and get him more women. If he can afford the Polo or Golf, then great. But if he is forcing himself by buying a second-hand Polo with close to 100k on the clock, perhaps it won’t be the wisest financial commitment.

If he meets a girl with standards that he cannot afford, it’s best that he leaves that girl. It is unfortunate that we live in this social media world. There’s a girl who once posted a WhatsApp conversation she had with a guy who couldn’t afford her standards. In this chat, this girl is telling him that she expects him to pay for her nails, and hair, buy her flowers and other various things. The guy simply said that he cannot afford those things even though he liked her. This girl let go (and shamed a man on a public platform in which her post went viral) of a man who had nothing but love to offer her. Because this man did not meet the material and shallow standards of this woman, she decided that she was not worthy of him.

This post made me remember an episode on Date My Family that I will never forget. A young doctor-student lady was on the show searching for a date. The first family was definitely not fit for her. The second family though was perfect. The young man was also a student who was focused and from the people that represented him, she would have found real love with him. However, it all switched when they introduced the third family.

The third family was Casper Nyovest’s friend. I’m not if he is or was Casper’s manager or not but the short chubby guy with black circles around his eyes. That was the potential date. During the dinner, the table was star-studded with Ricky Rick and those guys. During the cut scenes, this guy kept saying that she is not cute and she was not her type. But lo and behold, whom did the girl choose in the end?

Of course, she went to the star-studded family. The star-studded family displayed fame and wealth. No chance that the unemployed student from the second family could have won. Fundamentally we might argue and say that the bigger bull got the cow. And to a great degree, this is true. However, it becomes a problem when regular average women expect the same level of treatment you’d get from the rich and famous with the stressed and tired from work.

As young men, we do not, and we cannot dictate woman’s preferences. My advice is that date a woman who has a car, who works and who has bills to pay by herself. Chances are this woman will understand you perfectly when you tell her that you are strapped for a couple of months because her reality is similar to yours. If the employed woman intimidates you, at least date a woman who has a number of responsibilities on her shoulders. She will never understand your reality fully, but she will sympathise with you because she’ll understand the burden of responsibility.

I touch and focus on women a bit lest we forget that it was women that led to the downfall of King Solomon. Even Jeff Bezos, Elon Musk and Bill Gates are divorced men. Jeff Bezos whose estranged wife became a billionaire herself in which her wealth was attributed to her divorce from Bezos.

It is true that as men we do everything in life to attract a woman or women. A young man probably buys a GTI because a GTI will get him more women than a Kwid; even though a Kwid would be a far better choice financially. There is an element in every man to be the best man in the room. Like the animal kingdom, every male wants to reign supreme and reproduce as much of himself as possible. As humans, we have created very elaborate traditions around our reproduction, but it does not change our core biological makeup.

However, we as young men should not be slaves to our libido and began making poor financial decisions in the pursuit of reproducing ourselves. Especially us who aspire to be financially free. The key is to invest in ourselves for ourselves; not because society will judge you by your clothes or by your car.

It should never be about her standards, but it should be about yours. I once dated my crush whom I desired for the longest time and definitely would have loved to reproduce himself with but shortly dumped her because she couldn’t apologise for her wrongdoing. It is imperative that we understand our self-wealth as men because that self-wealth will materialise in actual financial wealth.

And it begins by understanding the numbers that introduced this conversation. It begins by understanding the reality that we face as South African men. From this point of departure, we can then begin to build, learn and grow into the men we desire to become.

If you aspire to be the 40-year-old in a million rand Viano, that’s good. But do not believe the foolish assumption that it will magically fall onto your lap. Take the time to study the 40-year-old and find out what enabled him to buy that million rand car. You will learn that a lot of what he shares on social media is but the tip of the iceberg of a very rich, deep and profound wealth-creation journey.

Do not be fooled by the billionaire Jay Z who lets his hair grow true and proud. If you are old enough, you will remember there was a time Jay Z wore nothing but suits and had his hair short. Dame Dash even recalls the day he stepped into the elevator with him. Dame was in his Roc-A-Fella Clothing and Jay Z was in his business suit. Jay Z was not being boujee. He was elevating into higher echelons of success. Do you think he would have gained an audience with Warren Buffet and Bill Gates in baggy pants and a cap pulled to the side?

Jay Z is now a billionaire who has secured his wealth. He is financially free. And this is important to note. Another example would be Kevin Hart. He explained to Joe Rogan how a fellow comedian, who according to both of them is one the greatest comedians to do stand-up, could not fully attain the success he desired (and deserved) because he refused to adapt to the standards of Hollywood.

As young men, especially young Black men, we must be realistic in our journey of wealth creation. I am not advocating that we must suck up to people and fake ourselves. No. But we should not forget that our country experiences the greatest levels of inequality. And these inequalities span across racial lines. So best believe that the gatekeepers are probably old White men who hold the keys to who gets to participate in the economy and who does not. Not the Baddie on Twitter or your favourite rapper.

As we look towards the Black men and women who made it in life, we need to learn how they navigated the obstacles that stood between them and their financial success. And social media is not the place to do it. A monthly two-week detox from social media can assist greatly in refocusing your mind on the reality that you live in.

As young men, it is easy to go deeper into the baddie wormhole and see these extremely, almost goddess-like beautiful women. And even worse they will share their nudes exposing their natural skin and enticing your sexuality even more. They will be at exclusive hotels in Cape Town, sitting in perforated seats and eating meals that you’ve never heard of. And you fall victim to thinking that is how a woman is supposed to be treated.

Not knowing what she has to do to live that lifestyle when the camera is off. And remember, this is South Africa where 1 in every second South African is living below the poverty line. This is something we need to remember and keep note of. Especially us young men who want to live soft. We cannot be deceived by social media. We cannot be prey to young women who are shallow and assess a man by his financial standings. Who’ll probably run up your accounts dry and switch over to the next male when she can no longer suck you dry.

As young men, we should know our worth and build our kingdom. Everything else must come second to that.