If you have ever been broke, like financially strapped, you’ll appreciate and value the money you earn. This is because you know what it feels like to lack. You know how it feels to have nothing. So, when you have something, you’ll appreciate it.
The same for the reverse is true. When you have had the privilege to live a luxurious life, and suddenly lose it all, you will experience a great humbleness. Even in this situation, you’ll appreciate the little that you have. Shows as I Blew It illustrates the implications of this theory.
Why would I begin writing about such? It’s so random. Well, it is. But it illustrates the duality of the life that we live. And it is finding a balance between this duality that makes life worth living.
Carl Jung explains it in the context of what he calls “The Shadow”. He states that some of our greatest potential lies in this shadow. What the shadow is, it is the other self that exists in us. In most cases, it is the qualities of our personality that we have hidden because they are deemed not socially acceptable.
What Carl Jung suggests is that we look into these qualities. We cannot allow ourselves to only live in the “good” qualities. Meaning, we cannot always be smiling, being friendly with people who annoy us and also retaining our frustrations. Such is toxic for the human soul. What this causes is a build-up of the “bad” emotions that exist in us.
This build-up will eventually manifest itself in some way. It will either be an implosion where a person blacks out or falls into deep mental wars such as depression. They will feel “empty”. Or it will be physical and violent such as with abusive men who are taught “monna ke nku” (men are sheep). Sheep don’t cry, even faced with death. In the same breath, we cannot live in our shadows only.
We cannot be arrogant even though we are the best on the team. This attitude will lead to isolation and people refusing to work with you. We cannot be aggressive in order to get what we want. This attitude will lead to isolation and people refusing to work with you as well. The trick is to find the balance between the two.
But this itself is difficult. When do you become arrogant? When do you become aggressive? When do you become soft? When do you become nice to people who annoy you? How can we achieve this balance between the two?
Well first, it is imperative that an individual investigates these two sides of themselves. Before setting the temperature on the heater, we first need to gauge how cold the room is. The same with our personalities. Before we can identify and determine how much of a shadow attribute we can exert, we first need to identify the attributes that make us “socially acceptable”.
To discover some of our shadow attributes, experts suggest the following. They suggest looking into some of the celebrities that we envy. The key question we need to ask ourselves is why we envy them. How can tell if you envy someone? If you criticise them.
Most people will look at some famous celebrities and congratulate them. Then shortly, they will criticise the method they earned their success. A Christian man will look at a rapper and celebrate his success. Then shortly remark on his tattoos and the lack of discipline he has around women. What this man is actually saying is that he too wishes to have tattoos and have women around him.
A young woman will idolise her favourite influencer and congratulate them. Then shortly, they will criticise the method they earned their success. They will comment that she works too hard and the way she dresses is too provocative. When in actuality the young lady desires the freedom to dress the same way and fulfil her desires as well.
Yes, in our country, women should tread carefully, especially with their dress code. As a society, we are still far for women to dress freely. Most men in our country have not developed the maturity to understand a woman dressed in a mini-skirt is not a sexual invite. Thus, for the purpose of this post, I will use the young man as an example.
The young man envies the rapper for his freedom. The rapper is everything he wishes to be. The rapper has tattoos signifying his rebellion against the conformities of society. The rapper has women flooding over him, every man’s dream. The rapper gets to perform shows for two weekends a month and live in a mansion and drive supercars. This is what the young man desires every night when he dreams. But he is stuck in his beliefs that money is the root of evil and such a lifestyle is not for the noble.
Yet if the young man were to accept the fact that he envies the rapper, he will unlock a new superpower in him. The moment he accepts that he too would love women to throw themselves on him, this will unlock a new energy in him. He will realise that women prefer clean men. Therefore, he’ll take his grooming seriously. He will begin going to the gym a bit more. He will begin taking time to ensure that his scent smells good. He will better himself because he acknowledges the fact that women desire high-value men.
The beauty lies in that acceptance. Yes, the young man can accept that he wants more women in his life. But that does not mean that will become his reality. His desire for women is merely the physical manifestation of his hidden potential that was resting in his shadow. In his shadow, the lust drive emotion propels him to take better care of himself.
As men, we should not deceive ourselves. It is the lion with the richest mane that rules the den. It is the gorilla with the biggest chest that dominates the land. It is the bull with the biggest hump that rules the kraal. And why is this the case? In order to get the most females. Everything a man does is for women or a woman. The moment we accept this reality as men, it unlocks a hidden power in us to be better men.
Yes, the older you become as a man; you get to a point where you realise you cannot have every woman. It is impossible. But the earlier acceptance that you want to achieve this impossible task is what enables you as a man to be better. However, this lust-driven emotion is not socially acceptable. A man is seen as a rogue if he entertains too many women. He is unstable and seen to be weak if he cannot control his sexual urges. And then lies the dangers of falling deep into the shadow.
The trick is to find that balance. And life is in living. For a man to discover that he cannot have all the women in the world, he needs to go through a lot of women to discover that. He has tapped into his shadow attribute that has enabled him to better himself as a man. And once he has tapped into it, there is no way he can turn back.
It is like a man who has seen war. When you have time, check some pictures of men before and after World War II. Some of them, before going to war are smiling and proud to be defending their countries. But after returning to war, their smile is no more. Their eyes are hollow, and the life is flashed out of their cheeks by the horrors of war. Once one has experienced a certain emotion, especially a strong one (such as sexual lust or heartbreak from romantic love) that emotion will forever alter one’s being.
And such is the power of tapping into the shadow. One needs to tap into the attributes that they bury in their soul. Obviously, human intellect will guide you not to go into the extreme. Human intellect will guide you not to entertain certain emotions that are disruptive in nature.
But for those attributes that will unlock your success, it is worth exploring. And it first starts by observing how you react to some of your favourite celebrities. Do you envy their freedom? Do you worship their style? Does the way they present themselves spark a fire in you? This fire is your shadow talking with you.
We are but reflections of the world we live in. The shadow, your inner you, can only react to the world you live in. What I mean by this is that if you don’t want to be a pastor, a famous or highly revered pastor will spark no emotion in you. They simply do not reflect any qualities in your personality, that of you or your shadow.
But if you are a fan of Uncle Waffles and you envy her success performing at Coachella, then there’s something. There’s something that requires you to investigate and find out what it is. Once you find it, fight the resistance of not resisting it to fill your body. Let the feeling overwhelm you. Embrace it for it bears the key to a higher you.
Such is the dichotomy of life. Life is really about finding balance. The Universe teaches this every day when day rises and night falls. The Bible teaches us that everything has a season. This means that there is time for rest and there’s time to play. The Tao teaches us of the yin-yang, the balance of light and darkness. What’s beautiful about the yin-yang is that the dark has a bit of light and light has a bit of dark. This is what balances the two together.
And so, it should be with us humans. There’s nothing wrong with being arrogant. Sometimes that touch of arrogance is what will get you the promotion. There’s nothing wrong with being assertive. That’s how you’ll fight off a workplace bully.
In the same breath, there’s wrong with being sympathetic. This is how you’ll understand the next man. There’s nothing wrong with being vulnerable. Vulnerability is the spore that breeds love.
It is the balance between our lives and our shadows in which we will find the meaning of our lives. Like the setting of the sun, when day becomes night or in the morning with the rising of the sun when night becomes day, the blending of the two creates a beautiful sight to the eye.
The same beauty lies in us too. Once we discover the balance between the two, we will enjoy the pleasures of his beauty that rest in us.
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