I have been home for about two weeks. I once watched a YouTuber who had decided to quit his job and work full time on his channel. He said that he thought that by having all this time to himself, he will be free to think more for the channel and explore more of his creativity. Instead, the opposite happened. He felt lost in a sea of responsibility. He felt the pressure to make his channel succeed. After all, this was the only income channel he had.
Within these two weeks, I pretty much felt the same. I came home with the vigor and energy to get my blog going. Felt that nothing could stop me now. I felt ready to pursue what I wanted and give my all to it. But that’s not what happened.
The first thing that happened was the readjustment. The readjustment of my parents having to understand that I am not home to be an errand boy. Within those first days back home, my parents were laying it thick on me. Thando do this, Thando do that. And each time I refused. Them being my parents, found this as a sign of disrespect. It is a weird feeling. I am glad though that they now understand that I’m not here to laze around hoping to get another job. But, I am sad that I feel like a stray dog in my own home. They acknowledge my existence but do not ask about it. Yes, I caused it. It still feels strange though.
Over some time, the full force of my realities started to kick in. The realization that I have to get an income started kicking in. With entry-level jobs, it’s not like there’s a pension payout you receive when you resign. You go as you came. The fact that I’m approaching my thirties and life still feels like it’s a hit-and-miss start to kick in. The self-doubt of whether I made the right choice starts to kick. For a moment, I regretted resigning from my work.
But then again, I quickly remembered why I resigned. It was at that point I understood why Tony Robbins and those guys say that when making a life-changing decision, you have to really get a lot of emotion behind it. That slight regret was quickly abolished by the emotions that forced me to resign in the first place. That indeed I knew what the complications and consequences of my actions were. And so, there was no reason for me to feel like I am losing in life when in fact, I am working towards my own freedom.
This state of mind led me to ask myself why? Why would I feel like I made the wrong decision when the truth is that the decision I made is the most important of my life? Why is it that when facing the pressures of life, I thought of finding a way back into the rooster coup instead of realizing the power of my own wings? The answer came to me in an unassuming manner.
This one morning, my mom’s car broke down on her way to work. Now, I did state I do not like to be sent around but in this case, the matter seemed serious. So, I hoped in the car and went to help my mom. Where her car broke down, there had been an accident. A fatal accident involving two trucks, a mini-bus, and an actual bus. It was a tragic accident with the lives of some taken. The accident happened rather close to town. As I was tending to my mom’s car, crowds and crowds of people kept flooding downward. These people were going to work. Some saw the accident and clearly were in trauma and yet still, to work they went. School children too didn’t turn back. They kept on going. Two schoolchildren passed me and I told them that if I was them, I was going to call my parents and go back home. My mom beside me said that they can’t do that and that they must go to school. Then it hit me.
I wouldn’t have turned back either! I would have kept on going to school too. There have been so many incidents in my high school years that were similar to that one but to school I went. Because of the programming that occurs in our homes and schools. I could already hear the white teachers who’ve never been in a public bus or a public taxi making their foolish remarks like “if Chepo could make it to class, why couldn’t you?”. I could already hear how my mom was going to find a friend close by to help me avoid seeing the tragedy of the accident and help me get to school. It’s only when I am older I realise just how deep the chains of mental slavery have clutched us down.
The ability to rob one of free will is what makes us continue being slaves. A person is a slave to their work if they go to work in order to pay their bills. If they stop working, they’ll repossess their car and destroy their credit score; making them financially barren. If someone in a relationship lets one party make all the decisions, that person is a slave to that person. The moment that person wants to regain their will to live and make their own decisions, conflict arises. I stood there seeing mental slavery personified. Large crowds just walking to work. Large crowds just walking to school. There were the few that decided to turn back. A lady in a beautiful BMW simply turned around and went back. A few other cars did the same. It occurred to me that perhaps these people are those that understand that their lives come first. That in such an event, work and everything else, come second.
It was this event that made me realise why when I got home I found it so hard to breath. I found it so hard to find reassurance in the decision I’ve made. Simply because, the mental programming that has occurred nearly over my entire life, is a default setting. When the new system was installed, my body somewhat crashed. My body is not used to this line of thinking and this level of finding freedom in my own decision. Under careful analysis, most of my decisions were made for me. Even those which I’d believe I made myself. Under very careful analysis I realise that the few decisions that I’ve made for myself have always, without fail, been met with backlash. Because those decisions go against the status quo. They go against what is expected of me. As such, they are refused by the system.
It is quite an eye-opener to see how deep one was enslaved by their own mind. And this was not caused by some evil superpower. It was caused by those we call family and friends. Their pursuit to guide us and protect us, they fail to see that they damage us. I believe that this is why every second young adult is so depressed or facing some serious mental challenge. It is simply because we realise just how our much of lives we live in servitude of others and not of ourselves. And so, the moment we wake up, we realise just how messed up our lives are. Only a few possess the strength to clean up the mess. At this point in life, one understands why people become addicts to drugs, sex, or alcohol. The pain is too much.
I guess it is a reason why some remain in the coup. In the comfort of what has worked over the years. They might see and understand that they are slaves to the system, but at least they get to live comfortably and without mental breakdowns. At least they get to enjoy the few luxuries that the system provides to those who follow it. Like hamsters caught in the spinning wheel, they are happy to run an endless race as long as they fed their little treat once in a while. As opposed to us who have chosen to break free. We who have chosen to venture into the wildness in order to be free. We who refuse to be a slave to the system but rather to be a player in it. Because we have seen that the ones who sit on the table eat the full meal and not the leftover crumbs they give to the slaves. We want that full meal. But it is not easy to climb up that table. It is not easy to gather the strength to climb that table. We’ve been eating those crumbs, so where do you expect to find the energy to climb the table?
That energy comes from within. Arnold The Terminator once said that bodybuilding isn’t for everyone. He said that few people are willing to cross over that pain of working out. And if they do, that is still not enough to get you into the very best of the best. Think about it. If you have ever been to the gym, most people the moment they reach that pain level, bail. A few will press on and still they bodies would be half okay. That is mind-blowing if you apply that metaphor in other areas of life as well. That being the best of the best, you need to breach through levels that the best already have breached. You have to outwork the hardest worker in the room.
Taking that metaphor to the case in point in this post, by simply breaking free from the system is not good enough. That’s the point where the pain begins. That’s the point where the “muscle building” starts. And most people, at this point, is where they turn back. Remember, to be the best of the best, breaking through the pain is still not enough. So even if you break through the pain and continue onward, it still isn’t enough. And it is at this point that I believe most people resort to addiction of some kind to deal with the pain because it really isn’t easy. It really isn’t easy to walk a path absolutely no one that you know has ever walked. You literally building the road that you are walking on.
It is this simple fact that makes it so difficult to act on your own accord. It is this simple fact that makes it so difficult for many to rewire the programming in their minds to find freedom and be who they truly are. I believe that it is because of this that we have so many young adults facing depression, anxiety, and addiction problems. That’s what makes being free so difficult to attain.
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