The Life of An Ordinary Man

Many of us can relate with the following scenario:

"It’s a Monday morning. The sharp ping of the alarm clock disturbing the memories of what was the “night of your life” that Sunday evening. The “night of your life” as it were, was a festival you spent 6 months saving for. You had the pleasure of enjoying your favourite international artist. You were only able to afford the cheap seats and much of the night you watched via the large screens that hung over the stage.

Your income limited you to the cheap seats. Dreading to go to work, you lose yourself to some doom scrolling on TikTok. As the nature of these social media websites, they feed that which fits your reality. And so, like yourself, many had the “night of their lives” enjoying the international artist’s performance. One post though, strikes a certain nerve in your body.

This influencer shares how it was in the exclusive VIP section. The VIP section that cost about 14 times more than your cheap seat ticket. Unlike your experience which was similar to watching the performance on television (with friends and fellow fans), the influencer was fully immensed within the experience. So much so that the influencer and the others who got the exclusive VIP tickets had the opportunity to engage with the artist before and after the performance.

Curiosity gets the better of you. You click on the influencer’s profile. The struck nerve implodes into envy and jealousy as you read her bio that simply states, “19 and living my life.” Her life, from the posts she has shared with over 1.3 million followers shows a life that you know you’ll never live.

To shield yourself from the intense surge of envy and jealousy, you concoct rumours about the influencer. That at 19, she must be blessed; that at 19, she must have sold her soul. At least you worked for your mediocre life. At least you sacrificed the best years of your existence only to be a deadbeat purposeless man. You find some false solace in the Sunday school prayer that taught you to be grateful for the little that you have.

Yet the nerve has infested others. In sublime rage, you slam the phone on your pillow. Unlike that 19-year-old girl living her life, you need to go to work to sell your soul by the hour.”

The truth is, this scenario can go on a few pages more. But at this point, I believe you understand the point I’ve made. I wrote from a man’s perspective as that’s the perspective I can relate with. Like many men, I found myself waking up to such a life. A life of the ordinary man as the Greek philosophers called it.

An ordinary man is a man with no meaning to his life. To the Greeks, this man was the slave who laboured for the master. This man was the soldier who fought timidly and not with pride to serve his country. This man was one who history forgot about because he added no value to human existence.

This man in the modern sense wakes up dreading to go to work. Yet he goes because work has become his purpose. Without it, he is nothing. This man wakes up to meaningless conversations with people he calls friends. His friends, like moths chasing a lamp, pursue the same meaningless reasons for their existence. They form a collective consciousness that reasons and justifies the meaningless lives they live.

They see the advances of a 19-year-old on social media wearing clothes that amount to their yearly salary as unjust. And as such, this 19-year-old must be the concubine of some powerful businessman or politician. This collective consciousness fails to take into cognitive that there are people who are able to design every minute of their existence.

A meaningless life is one that I lived for a long time until my mind said no. So loud was my mind that it led my body into a state of shock. I can vividly remember the day it happened. There was a spot I used to sit, at the back of the campus. This was a quiet section that allowed my mind to free itself from the clutches of the meaningless mundane routine that was work. As I sat there, deep in thought, I first felt my mind seize into a tight ball. It continued to tighten until it completely implored onto itself. Like the echoes of a violent thunderstorm, the scream reverberated across my whole body. Each one of my nerves carried the echoes of my mind to my body. I was shaking uncontrollably. The scream was clear that this was not the life of me.

Indeed from that day, I no longer could stand being on campus. Everything and everyone annoyed me. The thought of living a meaningless life got to me. The thought that my contribution to society was going to be forgotten got to me. The fact my life was priced by a capitalist company that saw me as merely a tool, a resource as one manager called us, got to me. I no longer could live that way.

In the same breath, the echoes from the scream carried thoughts that I had not dealt with. Most notably, my conceptions and beliefs about women. Like most meaningless living men, we believe that we should live for one woman. That this single woman should be our everything.

Fundamentally there is nothing wrong with this. Indeed the right woman can make life a breeze for you. However, what I learnt over the years is that as men, we are the catch. You see, we cannot rewrite the natural law that men will age like wine while women age like milk. Yes, some men are like boxed wine that spoils and not mature. And yes, some women become fine aged cheese that preserve their value for many years to come. But this single thought rewired how I viewed relationships.

The moment I treasured myself, viewed myself as the prize in the courtship dance, my relationships developed into great experiences. Going into my new relationship with this newfound belief in self, it opened a new world I had never experienced.

Like many men, before I had a renewed perspective towards my value as a man in a relationship, I placed myself a level below each woman I dated. And in doing so, I suppressed many urges I wanted to experience. Even though each relationship was unique, it lacked passion. These meaningless and passion-less experiences led me going in and out of relationships. In and out of relationships I went and in and out of relationships I felt nothing. I was a buoy drifting in the sea of meaningless intimacy with various women. I was controlled by a masculine urge to replicate myself. But each experience was meaningless. Forgettable moments which should in fact house treasures of a lifetime.

How did the dance of two souls become meaningless? How did life’s greatest pleasure lose all flavour? Because I was an ordinary man. To become an unordinary man, a man who lives with purpose, my core beliefs changed. And such is the one I speak of relationships.

With the renewed belief of seeing myself as aging wine, I entered a new relationship. This has been the most meaningful relationship of my entire existence. I unequivocally and unashamedly experienced my urges. I unequivocally and unashamedly expressed my views on relationships. And one such view was that I am not a one woman man.

You see, in every single relationship I have been, I have never been faithful. Indeed, in every one of the relationships I’ve been, I always sought to seek the warmth of another woman. But that in itself is meaningless. Cheating is like eating food that never sates the stomach. It’s like drinking water that never quenches one’s thirst. One could perpetually seek the warmth of other women. These women merely provided a meaningless excitement that lived in the moment and not in one’s lifetime.

So in this new relationship, I made peace with the fact that I am not a monogamous type man. At first, it did take time for me to build the confidence to be comfortable with the belief. As this was new to me. No one I know personally was openly polygamous or polyamorous. Like myself, they lurk in the shadows pursuing the meaningless affairs of fleeting excitement.

Once the confidence arose in me, I told my woman I would love to have another woman in our relationship. I did not phrase it in this fashion of course. But the message was clear that I desire another woman. She did not feel comfortable with the idea of course. It hurt her. It questioned her value. Yet, she saw beyond the limitations of her own beliefs too and agreed to it. Little did she know what she had agreed to.

She gave me a super power I had never experienced. She made me feel indestructible. I believe it’s what bodybuilders experience when taking steroids. The feeling unlocked a hidden potential in my masculinity. She gave birth to a new me who was more powerful. Because of this, the love I had for her intensified to extraordinary levels like the testosterone in those roided bodybuilders.

This relationship has meaning. With it, I learnt that the depths of love go beyond the meaningless nonsense that most of us men subscribe to. The key thing in that relationship is that it gave one purpose. Indeed, this is my experience and perhaps it is different for you. Perhaps for you, a monogamous relationship can give you meaning for your masculine urges. However, if this meaning leads you to love like the ordinary man, a man with no purpose, then that woman is useless in your life. She is not for you.

Such a woman is a leech. She believes that only her beauty is enough. She latches on you for her every need. And if you oppose this need, she sulks. She is the kind that will ask you to drive her to the bus stop with your car. If you say no, she will be upset with you for weeks or even months. Failing to realise that the car you use is your car and not hers.

In today’s context, I am a firm believer that a woman’s beauty is not enough. Inasmuch as women can get an education, a job, fulfil the roles that society had exclusively tailored for men and be able to sustain themselves, the same can be translated to the modern man. The modern man can cook for himself, clean for himself, and also fulfil the roles that society had deemed to be feminine.

Failure to notice these changes, in my opinion,  leads men to meaningless relationships. Failure to notice these changes is what leads men into being slaves to self-entitled women who believe they are the catch. Even the most matured cheese untreated can smell. These women possess this scent that fills the man with toxins that pollute his meaning in life.

And I deliberately touch on the element of relationships because, on a primal level, everything a man does is to reproduce himself with a mate. Old men spend young men salaries in the club merely to walk out with the most women. This is a fundamental law of life that is somewhat lost in the sensitive world of today.

The ability to be honest with yourself as a man, especially towards your masculine urges, will lead you to a more meaningful life. This renewed outlook will set the motion for you to re-evaluate the meaning of your life. As it did as I sat outside campus, feeling the tremors of my mind rattle in my body.

Indeed, once, as a man, you make a decision to pursue meaning in life, it alters your perception towards life. From being envious of the 19-year-old influencer living her life, you begin to take whatever nuggets of wisdom she might possess that enabled her to live a life to her tune.

And I could only guess what some of you will say. But I remember the words of Don Vito Corleone. In the movie, there’s a scene where he says that he does not concern himself with how a man makes money. To each his own really. We have read cases where these young girls are selling their bodies virtually. We quickly condemn and judge them, fulfilling our misguided self-righteousness. Yet some of these girls, in a matter of a few years have acquired more wealth that more that 99% of the population would ever have.

And mind you, some of them are faceless yet generating these life-changing monies. How am I to judge? Clearly they are doing something that is enabling them to live life freely, with no worry whatsoever. Beyond the surface level, there is something that these girls possess that if one learns from, they too perhaps will unlock the door to those riches.

This reminds me of a conversation I once had with a friend of mine. For the longest time, my friend and I had dreams of immense financial freedom. We had dreams of a free life; a life of no worry. But as the years went, he slowly became an ordinary man.

You see, in this conversation, I was telling him that I watching the Real Housewives of Johannesburg. Besides the entertainment and overall brain rot in most of the episodes, I was honestly fascinated by how these women live. And some of them in the show, it is clear that it is through their effort that they live the life they live.

The show reminded me of a model I once dated. She was extremely disciplined when it came to her looks. Her skin – routine was top-tier. The relentless drive she had to build her portfolio was incredible. And because of that, she was able to enter into rooms that ordinary men and women could never enter, let alone see.

She once took me to such an event. It was then I realised that some of these models that we see on Instagram that they are not photoshopped. It was in that event I learnt that indeed the 19-year-old girl who’s living her life is really living her life without any blessings from older men. That event broke through the barriers that were set by the constricted beliefs of being an ordinary man, a man living a meaningless life.

And so, watching the Real Housewives of Johannesburg recalled this memory to mind. I engaged my friend about it. His response was underwhelming, especially from some whom I had always shared dreams of being financially free with.

Like most ordinary men, men living meaningless lives, he quickly judged the lifestyle of these women. He quickly confessed the biggest lie of the middle class that financial freedom would come one day. He went on and on and on and on defending the conformity that he had found comfort in.

A hallmark of the ordinary man is in him defending the conformity of his life. He will find joy in the tiny, yardless apartment he lives in. He will find pleasure in the many meaningless intimate moments he shares with various women. He will find satisfaction in the cheap liquor he can afford. He finds no desire to pursue an ideal that is above him because it calls on him to unleash more powerful versions of himself that he does not even know exist.

Like the experience of being with two women. If that had never happened, I would have never encountered this deeper and more powerful version of myself. And having met this inner me, it leads to learn him more. It leads me to understand him better. And in doing so, it provides me with a meaning to life that never existed before.

To find meaning in life is to find an ideal that is higher than self. This gave birth to the Nelson Mandelas, Isaac Newtons, Steve Bikos and any other great man you can think of. These men sought to live beyond themselves in the pursuit of self-imposed purpose. This purpose was a decision that these men decided to pursue. They decided to embody the purpose. The purpose became the sole intention for their existence. And this purpose allowed them to be unordinary men.

There was no reason for Michael Jordan to become the greatest basketball of all time. There is no reason for Lebron James to continue playing basketball. There is no reason for Jon Jones to continue fighting. Yet these men embodied their purposes to be the best in what they do.

Ordinary men find such commitment and willingness to pursue unnecessary higher ideals as meaningless. To them, the world does not need another Nelson Mandela. To them, the world does not need another Socrates. To them, the world does not need another Jon Jones. To them, the world spins with no direction. And this leads them to a meaningless death where they will be forgotten in the sands of time.

Isn’t it incredible? The world has had more than 108 billion people walk on it and yet the average can’t recall at least 10 names of great people?

One might argue and claim that those who are important are your loved ones. But even they are forgettable. How many of us can fully trace the roots of our family trees? How many “loved ones” have we heard of? These “loved ones” who provided the genetic blueprint of your life?

To live for “loved ones” can be a noble and worthy goal. If for your “loved ones” you aim to elevate their lives, this noble ideal will force you to tap into the inner chambers of yourself that’ll lead you to an extraordinary life. But if living for your loved ones is merely an excuse to justify your mediocrity, than you are no different from the next ordinary man.

It is sad that many men live life with no purpose. It is sad that many men drown their ambitions in the scraps that life provides for them. It is true that not everyone can achieve an extraordinary life. The natural law of life separates the chaff from the wheat. The natural law of life will always favour the bold over the meek. The strong survives while the weak whither away.

The question is, who are you? Are the weak ordinary men? Comfortable with the meaningless, purposeless, pathetic waste of your existence? Or are you the one who hears the call? Bears the wounds that make the strong immortal?