I was sitting under a tree. The first time in a long time that I sat under a tree. In the city, to find a tree that is secluded, safe and feels natural is a gem. Most trees in the city are in parks or artificial constructions that try to emulate nature. Finding a tree in its natural setting in the city is rare.
I found this tree while taking a walk. Walks have the power to clear the mind when it is clouded. Yesterday, I remembered an old maxim that I used to believe in: no one cares about your feelings, they only care about how your feelings affect theirs.
For the longest time, I used to believe in this maxim. This maxim is the reason most men do not share their emotions. This maxim is the reason some women will endure abusive relationships. This maxim forces most people to dwell on their emotions. These emotions begin to fester in their hearts, eating them away.
A friend once told me about his ex. He told me that he was dating this girl and he loved her. And she loved him too. They were together for about six months. In that six months, they were already planning to move in together. In that six months, they were planning to introduce each other to each other’s parents. It is safe to say that in that six months, it seemed that they had formed an unbreakable love.
The two love birds had a perfect relationship. The cause of their break-up is what makes the dangers of believing this maxim come true. As they entered their seventh month, my friend moved further away from his girl. They already stayed an hour apart and saw each other about once a month. Quite mind-blowing that they probably saw each other six times yet they were so in love. Anyway, my friend had to move 30 minutes further from where he used to stay. So now, they were about 90 minutes away from each other.
His ex-girlfriend, he told me, sent a text saying that she was struggling with the distance. Even though she understood that he moved because the new accommodation was more affordable and safer, it was still hard on her. My friend was in a long-distance relationship before her. He told me that in his previous relationship, the long-distance one, the girl he was with had said the same thing. But he convinced her to understand the distance and stay. But the relationship became toxic. The toxicity caused the long-distance relationship to fail. So out of fear of going through the same toxicity again, he broke up with his girlfriend.
The girlfriend was heartbroken, rightfully so. What she thought was her expressing how she felt about the distance in their relationship, resulted in her relationship with my friend coming to an end. Did she deserve that? Did she deserve the pain of losing someone she loved wholeheartedly because the person she loved was thinking of himself? She was telling him that she was finding the distance difficult. She was not telling him that she could not be with him.
Was it wrong of my friend to break up with a girl who he knew loved him wholeheartedly? Was it wrong of my friend to protect his emotions from going through what he perceived to be a similar pain again? Even though it was at the expense of losing a girl who had nothing to do about this past pain?
There are people who can care for people, regardless of how they feel. There are people who care so much that they are willing to endure personal sacrifices for people's advancement and well-being. Indeed these individuals do exist in some parts of the world.
So I thought to myself, why don’t we care more for people? Why should they be few of these selfless people and more selfish people? Every human is experiencing a great deal of strain in their lives that they need someone to help them through. While thinking about this thought, I remembered a homeless man I once met. This man was at his wit’s end. Something in me instructed me to give me R50. Which I did. That R50 brought tears down the man’s cheeks. He told me that the R50 will enable him to take a bus to the neighbouring town where his sister lives. He was hoping that his sister would welcome him back after all these years. Even though he had done things that got him in the street, his sister was his last resort to fixing himself.
Another instance came to mind that was closer to home. In my younger years, there was a time I ran away. The long and short of it, I came to a highway and sat by a rock next to the highway. Obviously, one runs away from home because they are running away from something hurting them. I couldn’t run fast enough. Sitting on the rock, the pain caught up to me and I cried. I cried loudly. A white B-Class Mercedes pulled over. It was a Tanie and her son. The Tanie rolled her window down and asked me what was wrong. She seemed genuinely concerned that there was a young boy crying his heart out in the middle of the highway. His son did not think the same. The moment I stood up (the Tanie had offered me a ride to a police station that they call my family) the son took off. Even though it was a B-Class, the way he took off it was clear that it was a Mercedes Benz regardless.
That moment (and quite a few more) continues to live in my heart. That we live in a cold world where a smile is all that’s needed to warm cold hearts. Sitting under the tree, I rebuked myself. The world is a cold place. The Joker before killing Murray emphasised how we are pretentious, mean and rude to the beggar down the street but we are merciful, loving and caring to the rich. We are cold to those who need warmth and we are warm to those who are cold.
I could feel my heart begin to melt. The cloud in my mind whisked into the air. As I sat in this gem in the city, I began to hear sounds. At first, I thought it was workers in the homes that were fenced from this little haven. But after a few minutes, I saw three young boys. I am in Umhlanga, I am thinking it’s rich kids just taking a walk. But the closer they approached, the clearer I could tell that these were not rich kids. One had a beanie half placed on his mind, the other wore his shirt around one arm and the other was leading the pack. They were all leaning to the side with one arm on their backs and the other arm swinging freely on their sides. I could feel the fear well in me.
I am sitting under this tree. If I stand up and start walking away, they’ll be behind me. If I stand up and get myself ready, it will show my fear. I look around and realise that there are no rocks, no branches, nothing I could use to defend myself. I decided that the best thing was to sit and show them no fear. Lions only prey on the scared.
The closer they approached, the faster my heart began to beat. They were about a stone’s throw away. At that point, my heart was in my throat. But the three boys simply passed me. They didn’t greet me, they didn’t look my way; they simply kept moving.
I waited until they were out of sight before I stood up. The fear that I felt quickly reminded me that unfortunately, we live in a world where the kind and the nice are seen as weak and if they are not careful, they are eaten. Unfortunately, we live in a world where caring for a person is seen as being weak. Unfortunately, we live in a world where people live from self-interest and Adam’s invisible hand is the effect they have on you.
But the Lord works in mysterious ways. As I stood up from under the tree, I heard a thud next to me. It was a butterfly. It must have died from something as it simply fell next to me. I haven’t seen a butterfly in years. It was beautiful. Even in death, its wings spread wide. The patterns on the wings were in full glory under the sunlight. The butterfly was a clear message.
Even though most people do not care about you and only care about how you make them feel, the world is still beautiful. Even though the world is filled with dangers, there are still people who care. There are still people who can be kind. There are still people who can love. The darkness of this world should not blind one from the beauty that does exist in the world.
I look at my friend and how he is struggling to find a girlfriend now. If he happens to be in a relationship, it usually doesn’t last. He let the girl who loved him wholeheartedly go because of his own selfishness. The world will justify his actions and say that he was looking out for himself. The world will say that if you notice similar patterns, you are a fool to watch the patterns unfold once more. To some degree, there is truth in this. But losing empathy and the understanding that we are all humans having emotions, my friend could not see his ex’s love. He longs for it now and unfortunately; the girl was moved on. Hopefully, she still has the capacity to fully love whoever she's with.
Like the butterfly, we should strive to be the beauty of this world. Like a butterfly, our presence should bring about calmness and joy. This is the beauty the world needs. We should be the light of the world. Like a candle in a dark room, there should be no darkness great enough to douse your light. The world needs it.
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