What happens when you take the leap of faith? You can say that right now I am in limbo, flying through the sky looking for a place to land. But let’s get into it.
So, as I said in the other post “Decluttering The Mind”, I recently filed my resignation letter. The official reason (which is true) is that I have to take care of my parents. This is true because they are getting old and when I was home last month, I noticed how they struggle with the simple duties of everyday life. Yes, I am not the most active son out here in the streets but I know that my presence will help ease them and my presence will help them.
The second reason, one that I’ve discussed so many times regarding employment is my mind. Will I miss my students? Yes. Will I miss my soccer team and Captain with the focus of Kakarot? Yes. I was telling my sister the other day that the hardest part about this decision is the fact that I love my profession but honestly hate working for someone.
And don’t get me wrong, I am fortunate that I have had amazing leaders who are only restricted by organisational red tape. But it is that red tape that gets to me. But in any case, this conversation we are having is not about the organisational red tape and the nature of employment. It is about that leap of faith.
This resignation was one long coming. I knew from the beginning of the year that I was going to quit my job before my birthday. Primarily for the two reasons mentioned. But you see when I was thinking about this, I still had the comfort of employment. I was still getting that paycheck at the end of the month. So now that the paychecks will no longer come, I am asking myself in detail, what is the plan?
This question I honestly do not like discussing it with people around me. And again, I know that they mean no harm. I know that they have the truest and sincerest intention to see me win. I know that they will never advise or suggest something that is aimed to bring me down. But you see, they are employee-minded.
The first time I quit my job I went straight home. I remember driving back from Bloemfontein and I also remember the numerous times I stopped because I’d get emotional. I got emotional that I lost my uncle and work robbed me of the opportunity to see him again. The last conversation was that I should help his daughter, my cousin, with WiFi connectivity. I got emotional that my mom lost her very best friend. I still get emotional when my mom smiles cause it reminds me so much of my uncle. I got emotional that one of my best friends lost both his parents in literally a month. Work robbed me of the opportunity to go home and grieve with my friend. Mind you, besides my own home and my other close friend, his home was the only one I could enter without knocking. That is how close this guy is to me and I couldn’t be there for him.
That was the first part of the leap. The second part was even more difficult. So I arrived home and I’ve done my crying all the way. When I got home, I was A okay. I told myself that I was going to focus on the blog and give it my 100%. And starting out, I did. I wrote every day and posted every week. You see, what I was not ready for was the most obvious aspect of it all: my family.
No one knew that I would quit my job so when I arrived home, that cold Harrismith morning, they were shocked. They were taken aback that I really quit my job and left everything behind just like that. You know, growing up one has gotten to appreciate the sacrifices and support that my family has made over the years for me. But in the same breath, those sacrifices and support can act as chains that weigh you down.
When I was home, that October of 2021, it was the first time I experienced major full-blown depression. Because of this support that came from my family. You see, I quit my job to focus on the blog. But every now so often, my dad will tell me about his manager who’s looking for a financial advisor in a neighbouring town or a friend of his who is looking for a manager for his business. Every now so often, my mom will tell me about a teaching post open somewhere that needs a business teacher or something. You see, I understand they were looking out for me but that total disregard for who I want to be crushed me completely.
It made me realise how lonely this life can get. It made me realise that fighting for one’s dreams is your battle and your battle alone. My family did not understand my decision fully. And I’m the last born so they were “looking out for me”. I read once that for us last borns, the relationship we usually have with our older siblings and parents is not a social relationship but a power one. And we know in African families, most of us don’t really have a social relationship with our parents.
Parents and older siblings tend to give us last borns advice when we want someone to just listen. Under the premise of "I know you”, they box you into a jail you trying to break free from. This idea that last-borns and family members have a power relationship and not a social one, I saw it first hand when I stopped going to church. I am sure for about 2 years, my dad threatened to disown me. My mom would gaslight me so many times about not going to church. And even to this day, they have not fully accepted the fact I will never sit foot in a church building ever again.
Story for another day, however, it illustrates how when you are pursuing your dreams, the lack of understanding by those who seek support from the most can break you. It definitely broke me before and there’s a part of me that fears it will break me again. Secondly, it will be from your girlfriend.
This I write as a guy and maybe it is different from girls. But guys who have been in the game for long will tell you that it is easy for a girl to replace you. Girls have the luxury that they can cry out their pain. They can grieve their pain. They can express their pain and heal quicker than most guys. Most guys do not have that luxury. We are told to “man up.” We are told to make a plan. We are reminded that as a man, you are the provider. You are quickly reminded that there are more sugar daddies than there are sugar mommies in this world.
I am part of the camp of guys who say that if I was a girl, I would not suffer in this world. I have seen the baddest of the bad hope in a G-Wagon because of a man. I have seen the cleanest of nuns getting her fridge filled every month because of a man. There are many biological and anthropological explanations that I’ve come across that explain this phenomenon. This phenomenon is even made evident with social media platforms and such as it has been proven women tend to grow accounts twice quicker as men. Recently, I found out that a woman can take pictures of her toes and sell them online. Try that as a man.
Yes, this does not shy away from the many societal ills that continue to plague women. There are still sectors in our societies that view women as objects. There are still sectors in our societies that expect women to be seen not heard. Without a shadow of a doubt, there are still sectors in our societies that treat women like second-rate citizens.
However, in the societies that do not treat women this way, it is women who are winning. Read any love story, fiction or non-fiction, the prince will freeze hell over 3 times for his princess. Romance and seduction were crafted by lonely queens in order to keep themselves entertained. This is something that also deserves a post on its own.
My girlfriend at the time tried to stay. And I appreciate the fact that she tried her level best to remain but things got so toxic that we had to go our separate ways. But she tried. Most girls won’t. I have dated such girls. Some girls when met even with the slightest challenge in a relationship, they leave you. No, it’s not about you. Who cares about you? Heard the marriage jokes? The jokes suggest that a husband is a wife’s slave whose sole responsibility is to keep her happy. Oh no, Brother, you don’t matter.
Most girls will tell you that they love you and all that jazz. But when that love gets some heat, this love that she confessed to being as tough as titanium, it quickly melts away like a marshmallow at a campfire. In your moment of need, it becomes about her. It becomes about how she fought for the relationship. It becomes about how you don’t care about her feelings and emotions. When you need her the most, you become the thief robbing her of her happiness.
You see, men like me end up with these stainless steel hearts because we have the unfortunate experience to have dealt with such women. To deal with such women who only love you when the sun is out but quickly leave in the rain when you need her umbrella. She will tell you that nonsense that Will Smith said about healing first as if she, or any other person for that fact, is perfect. She will outright leave you or you’ll shortly discover that there has been a replacement waiting on the sidelines for the very moment you mess up. Yes, this attitude is not ideal because even with the right woman, you are so terribly poisoned by the bad apples you’ve eaten that you are no longer able to see a good one.
When you take your leap of faith, these are the emotional hurdles you need to prepare for. Look, making money is not difficult. In most cases, it requires you to swallow your pride. It requires you to understand that a business or brand is to serve others and not you. You are rewarded financially for the service you render to others. That is the premise of business and entrepreneurship. But to be in service of others, requires you to swallow your pride. The making money to live is not the difficult part about the leap of faith.
It is the support you get as you land. That’s the hard part. Even worse for us last borns because we are always seen as the babies of the family. Consciously your family will tell you that they see you as an adult. But subconsciously, they still treat you as a baby. You hear it in conversation, you hear it in action, and you hear it with the unwarranted advice they will give you because “they know you”. This breaks you as an individual because you are not seen for who you are. You are seen as you are perceived.
The second most important person will be your girlfriend. Lucky are you if you have a girl who is understanding and will stand in the rain with you. But most girls, most girls simply cannot. Perhaps is the fact they know they have 10 guys on the waiting list. They, at the back of the mind, know they can replace you. Yes, they will miss you. Yes, you will get that text or that call explaining how much you loved and all that jazz. But best believe, you will be easily replaced. A girl can buy a dress from PEP and still find herself in M3. Try that as a guy.
The mistake that society has made is to look at the 1% most powerful men and then paint every male with the same brush. It is this mistake that I believe that men are twice as likely to commit suicide as compared to women. In some countries, this figure is 4 times more likely. Economically and financially, it is not easy being a man. Most women are stopped by morals and values to accept money from men. Like most men, we receive a “happy birthday” on our birthdays or something like that. But this post is not to complain about being a man.
This is to illustrate that when you take a leap of faith in the full belief you will achieve your dream, the only landing gear you have is yourself. Only you can make it safely. Only you can land safely on the ground. Lucky if you have a family who loves you. But understand that they are rough winds that will throw you off course. Lucky if you have a woman who loves you, but she too can be the bird’s beak that tears your sail.
When you take that leap of faith, have the full appreciation and understanding that you are on your own.
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