So lately my only thought has been quitting my job. The motivation is well defined and it stems from something deep inside of me that cannot be easily shaken. But, this morning I realised something.
The first time I quit my job I didn’t have a plan. I just quit because I was angry and annoyed at the work system. But I didn’t have a plan. Or more accurately, I underestimated the lack of support I’d receive when I got home. That was not part of the plan.
Looking back, what did I expect? I love my family but they are heavily employee-minded. The idea of business is good to my family but not good enough to pursue full-time. Like, to my family business remains a side hustle and not a full-time gig.
I love my friends but the same applies. My friends are enjoying their lives. The idea of business is good but not good enough to pursue. Like, to my friends business is that extra cash to buy that extra bottle of Henny at the weekend.
It was only my girlfriend at the time that tried to support me, fully support me but she was going through her own emotional challenges that she couldn’t fully support me. You see, in those few months, I truly discovered how alone in this world one can be; even with those who love you around you. I had never experienced such a deep profound depression in my life.
And I believe that the remnants of that depression continue to live in me. Because even though my heart is set on quitting my job, my heart remembers the loneliness. My heart remembers the hopelessness. My heart remembers the silent torture of loved ones giving their unwanted “because I know you and love you” advice.
And when you think about it, it’s one of those awkward situations. You know that your friends and family do not mean ill towards you. You know that they do not have bad intentions. It just boils down to the fact that they have never walked this path before. Or if they have, they have been burnt so bad that they think you’ll burn too. In them trying to protect you, they actually hurt you.
So now that one is slightly older, my mind is trying to reassure my heart that this time it will work out. What is important is having a plan. A clear plan. Now, one understands that you can’t have a fully, perfectly written out plan set. The universe does not work like that. But one does need a true north. That wherever the road may lead you, your true north does not change.
This morning scrolling through Instagram, I saw a post of Alex Pereira (currently my favourite fighter). In this post, the content creator took a snippet of an interview that Alex Pereira recently did. And in this interview, Alex Pereira just said that he didn’t have a plan B. He didn’t want to work at the tire shop (where he worked) so he knew that the fighting business was his way out.
It is crazy how many other fighters say the same thing. Mighty Mouse Johnson said the same thing. Francis Ngannou said the same thing. So many great fighters say the same thing that they gave the fighting game their all and literally hoped for the best. You see, what’s interesting about this is, is that it’s not the first time I’ve heard it.
I think it is Napoleon Hill who said that when Napoleon (the French emperor) entered into battle, he ordered his men to burn the ships that they came with. This was to motivate their troops to win at all costs. Other sources say that the story of burning ships comes from the Spanish explorer Cortes when he landed in Mexico. He knew that for him to find success on this land, they had to stay on the land. They could not have the option to board the ships and head back to Spain when things got tough.
And weirdly enough, that’s where I’m at. With my plan to escape employment, I keep telling myself that the worst-case scenario is that I will keep working until retirement. I am learning that that creates an alternative plan.
Knowing that I have something to fall on, creates an alternative plan; it creates a plan B. And look, I won’t act otherwise. With all things considered, one does have a pretty comfortable job. The hours are very flexible, the team is supportive, I have an amazing leader of a manager and truth be told, with all things considered, I have a pretty good job.
But deep in my soul, I know life is not meant to be lived like this. I know that life is not meant to be enjoyed for only 18 days that the government allows you. No. Life is not supposed to be lived in frugality. Nature is the perfect place to learn about our own human existence and looking at nature, most of nature is bountiful. A peach tree does not give off just one peach and that’s it. Even a dying peach tree will still produce more than enough peaches for one to enjoy.
Thus my soul wrestles greatly with the idea. My soul wrestles wildly with the idea that we are on this Earth to enjoy the little that life can offer. No. That is a man-made condition imposed by man-made religious and economic systems.
So I sit and ask myself, how can I cut off the possibility of a subliminal plan B resting comfortably in my mind? It boils down to first having a solid plan A. My plan A is not solid enough. If I fall out and rest only on plan A in its current form, I will not survive. I’ll fall back into that hell my soul is afraid of.
And again, by learning from nature one can learn some wisdom regarding such. When we look at a newly planted seed, in its development years, it needs nourishing. It needs good soil, it needs water and it needs all the sun it can get. It will get to a point where it will grow strong enough to stand on its own. It will get strong enough to weather tough and unpredictable weather. But if tough and unpredictable weather strikes too early, the plant will probably die off.
Thus unlike when I just quit my job with a seedling only beginning to germinate, this time one understands they need to be slightly more patient. This time one understands that they need to be more intentional. Yes, Napoleon could have told his men to burn the ships down. But he knew the strength and power of his men. It is like the scene in 300 where the allies of the Spartans fled because they were scared of the Persians. If you recall, the allies of the Spartans were not warriors. They had regular jobs. So when they saw the might of the Persians, they had something to fall on. Unlike the Spartans who were warriors that for them, to die in war was the greatest badge of honour.
It's quite the predicament I find myself in. But with a true north guiding my path, it is only a matter of time before I find that which my heart seeks: freedom.
Comments