Why Men Love Side Chicks.

The other day, I came across a rather interesting trend on Twitter. And only on Twitter can such a trend, well, trend. Excuse my vulgarity; the name of the tread was “what would life be without ifebe?” I am a man in a relationship, but in this essay I will write as a man who isn’t.

What makes the loose woman exciting for men? What makes the woman who is unashamed of her sexuality, more accurately, unashamed of her desire to fulfil her sexual desires, so exciting for men? There are various articles (blogs, newspaper articles and even researched journal entries) that try to answer this question. Again, I will not write this as a man in a relationship or even with an academic eye. I write this as a man who perhaps has the answer. More accurately, proposes an answer.

Robert Greene once said that pleasure is a fun activity. That the leading reason why some people struggle to find love is that they refuse to use the key that unlocks it. This key that he speaks of is lust. The reason, he says, is that lust has always been taboo in our societies, worse for women.

If you are like me and grew up with traditional (or somewhat traditional) parents, perhaps you can relate when I say that when we grew up, we hid our romantic interests from them. This even permeated into society. When one was walking with his girlfriend, and an older person approached, I would push her away to create distance between myself and my girlfriend. I would do so in an attempt to create the illusion that nothing was happening and that the interaction was merely platonic.

For most of us, we hid any feelings of love and lust that we felt when we were growing up. The church would take it further that sex before marriage is a sin. This single sentence I have never found written anywhere in the bible, regardless of how pastors defend it. I had a youth leader who went on about how sex at an early stage causes the man to lose hardness as he ages and that the woman will lose tightness as she ages. Even though this is true (the ageing part, not the having sex part), he made it seem this would happen in our twenties. The craziest twist to this: a few years later, the very same youth leader was found in a scandal where he pursued and engaged with underage girls.

The education about love and lust growing up was one that aimed to shame it. As a man, there was leniency. There was room for the idea that as a man, it is expected that I would venture into this taboo. A pastor, a male, once made a joke that (to the church was extremely funny, but as a man who left that church, I can see how backwards it is) when couples marry, women wear white to signal purity and men wear black, cause, in his words, “you know how we get down.”

So, for the longest time (and still today), women’s sexual proclivities were put down. Wasn’t Eve the one who ate the apple? The apple some ancient texts claim to be the power of sex? The great shame society put on women, especially within their feelings and attitudes towards lust, has been discussed a million times in society. I am not a feminist, but I strongly agree with the notion that women have been on the wrong receiving end of society's norms.

One of these norms is her desire and feelings towards lust. So, most men eventually end up in relationships with women who grew up in this system. Men will call them wife material. It is still expected that when she becomes a wife, she must renounce all her independence and free will to her husband.

I have heard older women saying that a man must always be on top. I have heard older women say that from the waist down, she should never object to her husband. I have heard all sorts of advice geared towards women that she should essentially be a sex slave to her husband. And that in a marriage, sex is something that a woman does for her husband, not for herself. Some traditions even go to the extreme of cutting the young virgin’s clitoris, an organ whose sole purpose is sexual satisfaction.

Society can and will continue to praise the “wife material”, as we are extremely far from a great social revolution to change this thinking. Especially here in our country. But here’s the thing that these archaic teachings don’t teach women. The wife material, the lay down and wait till the man finish woman, is extremely boring.

I believe that is the primary reason why men, even married men, go out and seek other women outside their relationships. And these women, who will knowingly accept a married man or a man in a relationship, know that they are not with him for commitment. They are not with him to build something that could last forever. These women choose to be with this man for one reason: to have fun.

And these women know exactly what kind of fun the man is seeking. They know that them going on dates is not the fun the man seeks. They know that road trips are not the fun the man wants. They fully know that the fun that this man wants is the fun that “wife material” is incapable of producing.

They know that the fun the man is seeking is lust-filled-fun. They understand that sending those view-once messages once or twice a day is what keeps a man entertained. An apple a day keeps the doctor at bay. These women understand that a ibele a day keeps a man gay. Gay in the historic meaning of being happy. These women, who have broken free from the societal teachings about women and their lust, understand the pleasure principle in seduction for keeping a man.

That is why married men entertain these women. It has nothing to do with love. And the husband knows that it has nothing to do with love. It has everything to do with the sister of love called lust. This emotion that so often dies in marriages or in relationships that have been in existence for a long time.

Men are very simple creatures. The wife or the girlfriend can indeed be extremely beautiful. And this beauty is what attracted him to her in the first place. And this beauty is the one that will keep him attached to her. But once the beauty begins to fade, or once the beauty that was and still is a beautiful rose starts forming thorns when he tries to embrace it, he seeks other beauties.

Those thorns sometimes are not caused by her psych shadow. Those thorns are not produced from her suddenly being toxic or starting to display dark personality traits. Sometimes, those thorns are caused by her settling into being the wife material that she was taught is the ideal woman a man seeks.

It happens that as a man you met a girl that you are attracted to. As a girlfriend, she entertains your fancies. She excites the lust brewing between you two. The unknown pleasures of her body fill your mind with wonder and excitement. And she probably knows it. So she will send you those view-once messages, those spicy VNs and keep your mind filled with unknown pleasures she possesses.

This can sometimes continue even after you have explored those pleasures. But as the relationship grows, she sometimes dials up the love while dialling down the lust. She can still be a beautiful woman. She can still be a faithful and good woman. She can become the Proverbs 31 woman that every churchman states to be the perfect woman. But the perfect woman is not what a man wants.

A man wants excitement. He wants pleasure that only comes from a woman. Musa Mseleku said it best: a man does not marry a woman for him to enjoy life with. He marries her so that he can have children. Various research on the institution of marriage claims that marriage remains the soundest structure for developing a family. Besides this fact, there is virtually no other reason why a man would want to marry a woman.

I once ghosted a girl who misunderstood this purpose of marriage, from a man’s perspective. She said that she wants to be married. She wants to carry a man’s surname. But she does not want children. She went on to explain how this is something that she feels strongly about, and it is a clear boundary for her.

This is a boundary that I can respect. But not if I had the intention to marry her. Especially in the new world where the privileges traditionally reserved for marriage I can enjoy outside of marriage. In marriage, I want children. There is no universe where I will ever find myself married to someone who will deny me children.

And she presented herself as the ideal woman a man would want to marry. From the way she presented herself, I knew that I would not get those view-once messages or those late-night texts that excite the mind and loins. And so, I did ghost her and have no shame about it.

Pleasure is what keeps a relationship exciting, even if a girl chooses to be celibate. I once dated a girl who told me that she is celibate and will continue being celibate as she made a promise to God. But she understood that pleasure in a relationship is not just limited to the bedroom. She would send me those view-once messages, a clip from Twitter that she was DJing the bean to and so forth. Even though there was never any physical intimacy with this woman, that relationship remains in my Top 3 best relationships of my adult life.

Pleasure is what keeps men attracted to women who do not mind being on the side of a man’s life. There are men who are willing to empty their bank accounts because a woman has mastered her lust and seductive prowess. Women who scam men will tell you that if you want a man to be a docile sheep, you have to entice and lead him on. You have to mentally edge him until he can no longer control himself.

This is how Cleopatra was able to have arguably one of the most powerful men to ever walk this planet wrapped around her fingers. This is how Marilyn Monroe had the president of the most powerful country in the world obsessed with her. Men might go to TikTok and preach about how women are loose and destroying the fabric of African society, but head to Twitter to see if the women they are preaching about have a leaked OnlyFans video.

As long as the world tries to police women’s sexual desires, and some women continue to live under that policing, and some women choose to live outside of it, men will continue to find pleasure with women who choose to live outside of it, even while with women who live under it. The side girl, the loose woman, the febe, understands that love is extremely boring without lust. They understand that women might want love, but the men want lust.

Without lust, for a man, the world will have no meaning. This is why someone like Freud stressed the importance of a man not being afraid to embrace his lust. This is why someone like Napoleon Hill dedicated a chapter in his book, Think and Grow Rich, to the importance of a man understanding and embracing his lust. The married woman (or the one in a serious relationship), blinded by her own views of love that society taught her, tends to fail to provide her husband with the lust. And he, needing to fulfil his lust, will go elsewhere.

What will the world be without ifebe? Extremely boring. The man will have no desire to better himself. He will have no will to live. Dave Chappelle once executed a perfect joke and said that men buy nice cars cause women love nice cars. If men could get a woman while he lived on a dirty strip of cardboard by a gutter, he would not even consider buying nice things.

From this joke, we can extract that a man wants to better himself to attract women. The modern man has no war he is facing. Almost everything he does, especially that requires manual labour, he can get someone else to do it. So why would he be in the gym? The second reason is for health purposes. The first is to get a body women cannot resist.

When a man finally gets his first car, his first apartment and a healthy paycheck, what is the first thing he does? Especially the nerd who sacrificed a great deal of his youth to become a success? He is suddenly surrounded by beautiful women. And these women know, as we know, that they are not there for love. And the nerd, knowing that these women are not with him for love, is the happiest man around cause he knows that he is enjoying the pleasures of lust without the drudgery and responsibilities that come with being with a Proverbs 31 woman.

Men love with lust while women have been taught to love without it. Women who understand this- that men love with lust; they are few and far between. And their rarity is what makes their existence special. A lot of famous OnlyFans models, both abroad and local, have shared some of their DMs for us to see. Some of the men, as you probably guessed, were “respected men” of society. The married man with a beautiful family, the pastor, the accomplished businessman with no scandal. Men who are bored with their lives and who seek some excitement that only, excuse my vulgarity once more, a ifebe can produce.

At this point, because I wrote this as a guy, I am beginning to fall into redundancy as I am repeating myself. But the core message from this essay is that loose women are fun. And the fun they have is not one that is man-made. It is one that is coded deep into our DNA. And in a world without these women, we, as men, will find ourselves conflicted with our DNA, with our identity, as Sigmund Freud once proposed.

We, men, need lust to feel alive. Lust gives us purpose in everything we do. Even the noble married man, who has a wife who understands this principle correctly, will confess that he does everything for his wife. Because his wife, in this instance, can satisfy his lust and thus does not need to look elsewhere. But for the man who does not have such a wife or woman in his life, well, there are always ifebe ready to fulfil his lust, in ways he could never imagine.

What would the world be without ifebe? For the man? One word: boring. A world dead of passion and ambition. It would be a world where we live, eat, sleep, die. No fun. No excitement. No desire to be anything. It would be a world filled with living corpses, a world void of any meaning.  

And no man would ever want to live in such a world. And that’s why men love, excuse my vulgarity for the last time, ifebe.