Calm and cool. Her demeanor that of a lady who knows her worth. While many above her age struggle finding their ground, she at the young age she was, already knew who she was.
I met her in my first year doing General Management. Rough and rugged I looked but with confidence of a thousand horses marching in battle I approached her. She honored me with her time. Her voice soft and smooth like fine, freshly woven silk. The melody of her vocal chords enough to make even the sweetest sounding angel jealous. Her mind as vast and endless as the seven seas. Her intelligence seduced me and I became a slave to it. It was the first time I saw that indeed beauty does come from the inside. Just with her, her beauty also radiated from the outside.
As time passed on, she no longer spent her time with me. I wondered what had I done wrong. I went to view myself in the mirror and I realised the root of her pulling away. While she carried herself like a Queen, it dawned on me that I was a village joker who just got lucky. Looking so rugged with baggy clothing and a face that last got steamed before the Matric dance, in no way was I worthy enough to be granted continually presence from such a fine woman. Visiting my journals, I realised my thought processes where that of a ignorant teenager. Above the two decade age mark and my thinking still that of wokeness that birthed no real knowledge. My mind was as dull as paint drying. With a mind that of bread fungus and looking like a brother who harasses school children for R2 to smoke, in no way was I worthy of such a pure female energy.
A year passed and no word was shared between us. However, within that year I, secretly, was working on myself. The way I presented myself, the way I smelt and I even changed the way I spoke to a much lower and calmer way. All of this so that one day I may be granted the opportunity to be in her presence again. And by the heavens it happened! Here I was once more in the presence of this perfection of a woman. Her intelligence made me feel I knew nothing about everything. The strength she carried was that I only saw in mothers who will share their very last cents on ice cream for their children. Her beauty, her beauty that only wished by the immortals. Yet here I was, trying to find myself as a man granted an audience with a woman who knew her worth as a woman. She never wore make-up. Her nails carved naturally exposing her warm, love filled hands. Her body the embodiment of organic beauty only seen in the villages of KZN. And again, here I was a young boy from Harrismith with a woman who knew she wasn’t just any woman. But an African Woman.
Moments like these I wonder what you up to. Who you with now and if he is man enough to worship you as the woman you really are. Our time was short but within it I grew so much. The glow of your perfectly hued skin shredded a lot of insecurities and falsehoods within me that I’ll forever be grateful for. The time we spent was short but I believe it was short of a reason. Like dynamite or one’s first kiss, that explosive moment lasts for a lifetime. That single moment becomes a mountain in our sands of time. It becomes unforgettable. As I write this, I still wonder what did you see in me? You who can make goddesses jealous. You who can make kings sacrifice their kingdoms just to hear your laughter. You who can make even the prettiest sunset dull when you smile. What did you see in this young boy from Harrismith who finds gold chains and rings cool? This young boy who cannot see beyond the shadows of his skeletons that have locked him in a closet falling in a bottomless pit?
Whatever it is I continue to seek it. Whatever it is, it is what makes me unique. Whatever it is, it is what makes me royalty. Because whatever it is, it gave me the honour to be in the presence of a Queen.
Thank you for letting me see your beauty. It continues to be a lantern that guides my path in this dark world.