Ego.

It’s 6 am in the morning. He woke up at 4 am to lose himself in his thoughts before he began his day. This he does every day. However, today he couldn’t. The days have been so long that he has not had the luxury of spending time alone with himself.

He gets in his car and waits for it to warm up. Even though his car is new, practices from using an old Toyota still live him. He sits patiently, listening to the hum and rumbles of his chariot. Once the 67 horses that drive his chariot have all woken up, he begins his journey.

As he enters the highway in the city he is met with traffic.

Traffic.

This morning there was an accident that caused a bit of traffic. An accident at 6 am in the morning. There are two ways to interpret the accident. The first way which is the most common is that someone will be annoyed by it. How can there be an accident at 6 am in the morning though? This delay will cause the individual to be late for work.

The second way, which is unlikely that most people will view the accident this way, is that there is an accident at 6 am in the morning. That person, like yourself, could have woken up, gotten in their car and begun their commute to work unfortunately to be met with an unfavourable event that ruined their day. It is an accident, an uncontrollable event that could happen to anyone.

But the accident isn’t the main issue here, the traffic that it caused is. I don’t think there’s a sane person in the world that actively enjoys traffic. Traffic is a man-made annoyance. But why is it? Logic dictates that if you have a car and you work in the city, traffic is an unescapable reality that you will experience like getting wet from water or getting hot under the Summer sun. So why do people get annoyed by it?

Ego. The sense of self-importance that we all possess creates an illusion that elements such as traffic should not bother you. You will see someone literally overtake you on the left, yellow lane just to get a car’s advantage over you. You see people risking their lives and that of other drivers just to get that edge.

The issue is that as humans we have evolved to live extremely fast lives that we are not biologically equipped to live. And in this living of life, we have developed an ego that makes us feel more important than we should. And in traffic, this ego is where it is at full display.

Because you are in a car and have a destination to reach, other drivers in front of you are obstacles that should be removed. And even for someone like myself who drives cautiously not to damage my car, the act of driving not to damage my car is itself a representation of my ego. I will reduce the speed of PacMan to a crawl when I see a puddle, regardless of the driver (or drivers) behind me. At that moment, I am the one who is important and whether you are annoyed by it does not matter. What’s important at that moment in time is me and PacMan.

So, stuck in this traffic my mind pondered the concept of the ego. Why is it important, and whether ego is a misunderstood concept like greed. Ego is the self-importance that we attach to ourselves. It’s the human dimension that allows us to say we matter. It allows us to say we matter because we think we are important.

At its extreme level, this ego we see in celebrities. Their ego will make them go to Twitter and write outlandish opinions because they are celebrities. Their success inflates their ego to make them think they are more important than the average man.

And the average man’s ego is seen in everyday events such as traffic. So much so that we see it in how we with cars pass the homeless man hauling his life possessions on the road. We are annoyed by his presence. We are annoyed that he is using the road that is designed for my car.

Ego, like our brain, is an entity that rests in the nucleus of what we are. A pastor needs ego so his congregation can believe that his an anointed man of God. A lecturer needs ego so his students can believe that he knows his work. Self-importance (ego) is based and amplified on an identity that we created for ourselves.

But if you pay careful attention to yourself, you will quickly come to realise that we have multiple identities and therefore our egos change along with them. My ego is less when I am with my family. I am the last in the line and so my identity is that of the baby of the family, no matter how old I get. In the same breath, my ego is a bit more inflated when I’m with my girl. She needs to understand that I am the man in the relationship, regardless of the modern conventions around gender roles that we are being bullied into believing.

Ego is a necessary entity of the human being. However, how do we keep our ego in check? Too much of anything in life is bad. And ego is one of them. Christ once said that you don’t want to go to a party and sit on the highchair only to be told that the chair is for an honoured guest. In the same breath, Christ never lost sight of the fact that he was the Son of God. That is ego.

So, I sat in this traffic thinking about this concept. I asked myself, how do then control this ego? How can we keep the ego in check that events such as traffic caused by accidents at 6 am in the morning do not affect us?

The answer came from the notion that ego is linked to an identity that we embody at any given time. In most of us, going to work we have created an identity of being a professional. If you are a doctor then when you are in your car driving to work, your identity morphs into the medical professional. If you are a lecturer, the same process occurs.

So I thought to myself, how can we reduce these identities? Surprisingly, the answer came in an unexpected manner. There’s a mediation method that I practice called zazen or sitting zen. One of the essentials of zazen is to have the ability to mediate or be mindful of your surroundings. So much so that zazen is encouraged to be done with your eyes open as they are sensory receptors that give the brain stimulation as well. This allows us to be more (and accurately) mindful and aware of who we are.

In that definition, the answer came to me. To control the ego, we need to reduce the many identities that we have created for ourselves. I am not a formal person. I’m fortunate that my profession does not require me to wear a suit and tie. In the same breath, I’m not an easy go person. In the sense that I am not a sandal, shorts-wearing type of guy. The list continues but this is important to consider. Because how we dress is how we choose to represent ourselves to the world. This is the representation of our ego.

By having multiple identities, we will dress differently according to the various identities. Someone who goes to church as a To-Do for The Week activity will put out on their Sunday best to fit the identity of being a churchgoer. The outfit is only for Sunday and is probably different from the outfit they were in when they are at Konka the previous night under the identity of enjoying the nightlife.

But someone who embodies and lives in the Word will dress in the same outfit they do during the week even on Sunday. Because for them, the church is part of their lives that they continue to live even after Sunday. Their identity does not change. This is one less identity that they possess.

Integrating our identities into one (or two) identities will greatly reduce the ego that develops in ourselves. However, one would argue and say that reducing our identities to one or few identities will merely concentrate the ego. Like too much Oros. The Oros that you poured in the many glasses, now you have poured into one.

And fundamentally this is true. Someone who is heavy into the church and has integrated their identities into being a churchgoer will begin to inflate their ego with knowing and living the Word. This is the stereotypical Christian who rides on high clouds and judges others forgetting that Christ died for all sins. This Christian will judge the 20-year-old earning double their income from her sugar daddy but find nothing wrong with their pastor buying a German sportscar with the Church’s tithes.

A concentrated identity has the pitfall of creating an over-inflated ego. However, a concentrated identity has the ability to create a real depth in the person that you are. The Oros (your ego) has more space to dilute and be palatable. Like the Christian who has developed a deep identity in the Word. These are Christians who will live the Word. These are Christians that do not judge or condemn others. Instead, because they are deep in their understanding of the Word, they begin to understand why Christ spent time with the prostitutes and the tax collectors and not once judged them. That is the benefit of a concentrated identity.

And one way to begin consolidating your identities is in the way you dress. If you are dressed in trainers, track pants and a loose shirt, chances are you are active. And the feel of the clothes will make you ready for something active. When you dress in a suit and tie and formal shoes, you feel professional. You feel ready for the interview or to be productive at work. Assessing the clothes that you wear regularly will provide you with a great sense of who you truly are.

The act of beginning to assess what you wear and to begin reducing what you don’t wear will begin the process of controlling your ego via re-identifying who you are and how you present yourself in society. A Buddhist monk has only two articles of clothing in the form of orange robes. A nun has a black cloak. This is their identity. They are deep in their identity that they are able to control their ego.

A Buddhist monk walking around a village blessing people and receiving gifts understands the importance of this act. If unchecked, their ego will get in the way and curse those undermining their presence in the village. It is the equivalent of questioning an egotistical pastor why he or she bought a jet instead of sowing in the communities where they got the money for the jet.

So back in this traffic, I positioned myself to the best of my ability in PacMan to practice a bit of zazen, sitting zen. I inhaled a deep breath saying that God is with me and I exhaled saying all the time, repeating the process every time PacMan came to a standstill. A calmness enveloped me and my ego. I did not have to switch identities because I've integrated them and this is evident in my dress code.

Only a calmness in self enables one to understand that traffic is part of life. Only a calmness in self enables one to control their ego. Only a calmness in self enables one to live a peaceful life. This life where we are insignificant as the speck of dust that lands on our table.