You know, it is common to hear people after they clean their room or house to say something like. “it’s so clear and fresh.” Ever asked why?
As an example, try this out. In your room, find an area that you spend a lot of time in. For me, it is sitting on the carpet under the window. For you, it could be on your bed or desk. Add something visibly large in that space. For instance, after doing your laundry, throw your clothes on your bed and resume sitting on your bed as you normally would. Or do the same on your desk. For someone like me who enjoys sitting down, place the laundry on the ground next to where you sit.
You will probably feel the presence of the laundry or whatever large object that you’ve placed next to you.
I suggest this exercise to introduce this conversation. The Good Book tells us that one cannot serve two masters as one. Confucious (or Lao Tzu, one of the two) said that if you chase the hare and rabbit at the same time, you’ll catch neither. Even Nature, through the laws of physics tells us that no two subsistence can fill the same space. There are a lot of quotes that continually remind us that multitasking is a myth.
With the laundry example, this is a physical example of the said laws. Indeed, when you place a pile of laundry on your bed, that space is taken up by the laundry. What is also interesting is that you will feel the presence of the laundry. You will not be able to ignore it. It will be a consistent reminder that it is there. And so, you will consistently think about your laundry every time you see it.
And this is something that not only relates to physical aspects but mental ones as well. If your mind is occupied with something, that something will take whatever space you’ve allocated to it. Like feeling the presence of the laundry, like knowing that the laundry is there, the same can be said about that which will occupy your mind. But you see in your mind, it will take more than just a portion of space in it.
Remember, like Morpheus told Neo, reality is nothing but the interpretation of the brain through its five senses. Your mind will tell you if the stove is hot if you place your hand over it. Your mind will tell you that a man with a gun, wearing a bucket hat, poses a threat to your life over a man with a gun but wearing a blue uniform written “POLICE”. And your mind will also tell you which man to run to in that situation.
Your mind paints the reality you live. Therefore, we must be extra cautious of what we allow in our minds. Extremely cliché I know. But I say this after I recently resigned from my job because this is what I discovered.
When you are employed, your job will fill your mind. It is nearly impossible for it not to. I mean, you spend close to a third of a day at work (some even longer and even during weekends). Close to a third of your life is consumed by employment. So, it is safe to say that most people are their jobs and though some might reject becoming their jobs, their jobs will form a significant part of their personality. Maybe that’s why people, even on dates, usually ask what do you for a living because your profession will say a lot about who you are as a person.
But in any case, the job will inevitably occupy your mind. When you wake up, as hard as you might try, the first thing that will come to mind will be your work. Maybe you have to send that email, maybe you have to attend that training or meeting or maybe you need to face that annoying dirtbag at work. Or perhaps you dread the traffic to get to work. But something, even for a moment, will occupy your mind about work.
You see, you might have to report at work maybe at 8 am but if you wake up at 6 am, you are probably at work already at 6:30 am. And look, the same applies even after you have knocked off. It is only now as a grown adult I understand why my parents would be so tired after work when I was growing up.
Because they were drained from work. And the cycle repeats itself, Monday to Friday. Work becomes your life and it will eat into your weekends as well. You see, unlike the pile of laundry on your bed, what occupies your mind acts more like a fungus. It starts small but best believe if you leave it unattended, it will grow. It will spread. It will reach areas where you had thought are off-limits like your ambitions and dreams.
Your ambitions and dreams, from them being lighthouses and beacons of light that guide your future, they become flinting lights of dying memories. From them being the fiery flame that excites your inner child, they become the calm ambers that warm your old knees. Work, the requirements of work, the duties of work and the unwritten expectations of work rob you of your hope and aspiration of a brighter tomorrow.
I found myself in that state. Usually, when I wake up, the first thing would think about is how many classes I have in the day. Next thing would be to ask myself if I have prepared for those classes. This automatic task list will unfold itself, ticking the respective boxes along the way. I actually realised that for the past 3 years or so of being back in the world of work, I actually forgot what my goals and dreams were.
It was when I went home and read my old journals, some written a decade ago that I remembered what my dreams were. It was a cold evening hanging out with my closest friends talking about years past I remembered who I am. The façade of being a lecturer was broken by the true me who was held hostage by the profession.
And the process of decluttering started. And look, unlike moving the laundry of the bed and placing it where it should be, when removing elements that occupy the mind, it takes time and deliberate effort. You have to remove the surface foilage, sub-surface foliage and then proceed to find the root cause of it. Only then will you be able to fully remove that element from your mind and open that space.
That is what happened with my work. I stopped arriving at 6 am. Work starts at 8 am but, I am that guy who always goes the extra mile and so, I stopped arriving at 6 am. When there was no soccer practice, I stopped leaving after 4 pm. I stopped going to work on Saturdays (and I wasn’t paid for working on Saturdays). I simply stopped going the extra mile.
The sub-foliage was removed by quiet quitting. I merely and deliberately did the bare minimum. I did what my contract required of me. Nothing more, nothing less. This was difficult I will not lie. Since I ever started working as a waiter back in the day, I never gave the bare minimum. I have always gone above and beyond. But I knew that I had to regain my time back and allow my mind to rebuild my dreams and aspirations again. Like plants in the winter, my dreams were not dead but they needed a lot of nutrients for them to find life again.
And this is the most difficult part. At this stage, comfort can seep in. Going back to the laundry on the bed example, it is like instead of removing the entire laundry off your bed, you decided to fold it neatly and leave it on your bed. Yes, it is neater. Yes, it has opened some space. But the fact remains, it is still there. Even though I was now doing the bare minimum, this work fungi still had some room to live.
I hated going to work, but I loved meeting my students. There was a time I would go to the library in town just to avoid being in that office. Only to come back later for soccer practice. It was extremely hard to be in class knowing that my journey with the students was coming to an end. You see, I couldn't care less about the workplace. They will replace me and forget about me very soon. But it is my students who I will miss. It is my students whom I wish I could stay longer for, at least until they finish their academic journey to support them along the way. It is them whom I will miss the most.
And that’s what makes mental clutter so difficult to clear. Cause sometimes the roots of the clutter are tied deep in your heart. There was a moment when I wanted to cancel my resignation because of my students. And as fate would have it, that one email reminded me why I should not. There was a moment when I wanted to cancel my resignation because of the soccer team. And as fate would have it, that one reminded me why I should not.
And I’ll be honest, the institution I worked for is really a great place. There is a strong sense of teamwork and a strong bond among colleagues. And not that fake “we are a family” nonsense but one that you know you will get help and support from a fellow colleague, even if they work in a totally separate department. Like for those who are employee-minded to the core and content with a long life of employment, where I worked is really a great place to retire.
But I’m not employee-minded. There was a time last year, in the second semester, when the real me was fighting to free itself from the clutches of employment. It is a day that I will never forget. I will never forget and when I am ready, I will share the story. But for about two to three months, the real me was desperately fighting to be free. And as great as the institution is, I would never survive, no matter how hard I tried.
And so, I had to go to the root. I had to follow the veins of the root of the fungi that were seated in my heart. Like with the laundry, having it neatly piled up is not good enough. You have to remove it. And that’s what I did. The root of this mental clutter was employment. I had to remove it. With no clear plan of what I would do, with no clear picture of how I would survive, my students never saw it but each time I saw them in class my heart melted and tears welled up in my eyes, I sent in my resignation letter.
And with that, the fungi were removed. The laundry is now totally removed from your bed. You have regained that space and can use it how you see fit. And the same applies to the mind. Now I no longer wake up worried about that email or about that training. I instead wake up thinking about how I will begin to dream again and take steps to live my dream. I no longer drive down the highway and admire a Porsche. I instead start calculating how long it will take me to buy one and what I need to do to buy it.
You see, having cleared the fungi called employment from my mind, my mind is now free. I no longer see life through the lenses of employment. And remember the words of Morpheus, the mind is what tells you what life is. Employment has that dangerous effect that it will tell you what life is. Life is a good day if your boss is having a good day. Life is a misery if your boss is feeling miserable. Life is great for one day, usually at the end of the month. Life sucks, usually for days before that one day at the end of the month.
And that is why I likened mental clutter, like employment, to fungi or some bacteria. You might still remain true to who you are but who you are will be filtered by employment. For you to live your life, you need to filter it first through employment. Let me explain.
You maybe love to travel. But you’ll plan your travels based on how many leave days you have and maybe around that bonus or 13th cheque. You maybe love the groove and there’s a week-long festival happening in May. Same thing applies, you’ll probably have to check how many leave days you have and if they’ll allow an advance on your salary. The unfortunate happens and you lose someone very close to you. Work will allow no more than 3 days, to plan, mourn, grieve, heal and be fully functional again. And so goes your life being filtered by employment.
For us who are not employee-minded, we can never live like that. No matter how hard we try, we can live being told what to do by a person or by a system like employment. With my mind cleared from the clutches of employment and my mind now seeing life through the filter of being an entrepreneur, life is more exciting. I am still very much sad for leaving my students and soccer team but there’s a brewing joy from being free to be me. You know, I first experienced this freedom when I effectively stopped going to church. I do not fully understand then but I fully do now.
Your mind is your life. The life you live is created by the stimulations you give it. That which you feed your mind will direct how you live your life. With something so powerful as employment, employment stimulates your mind through all your senses for a significant portion of the day. You smell the carpet of your office. You touch the door handles in and around your workplace. You see the building and walls in it. You hear the noises of chitchats among employees. Sometimes, you can taste the bland catering from work events.
If you sit in the sun for long, you will be burnt. That’s a fact. If you sit in the cold for long, you will get sick. The conditions will affect you. So imagine what the conditions of employment do to your mind. These conditions one is exposed to for mostly a third of your life around strangers. It is maddening and I say that deliberately.
And so, for those who have dreams that employment can not offer, I would recommend stay away from it. It might be difficult especially in this economic climate we find ourselves in. It might difficult especially if everyone in your family thanks their cars, houses and clothes to the job they serve. It might be difficult. But it is totally worth it.
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