Parents = Slave Masters.

Ever been angry at life? Angry and feeling the pings of frustration eating away your soul? Angry at the fact that there are so many expectations set for you in which, you do not care about? Artists have in many shapes and forms expressed the need to escape society. Escape to a world of freedom and self-expression. To a great degree, that’s all that we want.

Here’s an unpopular opinion: parents failed us. Strong and harsh words that many youths say directed to people who birthed and raised them. That might not be the case for most people as their parents neglected them from an early age. A friend of mine once said that he doesn’t feel bad about the notion that his parents failed him. He said that they might have birthed him, but they had no right to dictate what they thought was good for him or what was bad.

Like many African children, my friend could not discuss sex, sexuality, or anything to do with women with his parents. They shunned the idea away. Here is a young man who is seeking guidance about his masculinity and how he can express his masculinity to women he loved and yet, those that are “responsible” for his upbringing shun the idea away. Instead, they told him that he is too young to be in love and to be with women. Yet, he feels lust. He feels the need to seduce. He feels the need to love. Fundamentally, there is no age minimum or maximum for these emotions that strike the young male.

Another friend of mine, what he could not discuss with his parents was his dreams. What he wanted to be in life. My friend was the smartest kid in the class. He was the guy who aced every science paper, every math test, and every English essay. He was and is intelligent beyond measure. His parents did everything in their powers to support him- with his studies. However, as book intelligent as my friend is, he wanted nothing to do with books. His heart was and is still with drama. He loves works of drama and in his spare time, he engages with actors who have made a career in drama. Then the time came when we began applying to universities and so forth. Following the propaganda by parents and teachers, most of us went forward applying in auto-pilot mode. On the assumption that the teacher knows best. Failing to realise that they might know best academically, but they don’t know what is best for us. My friend knew better, he applied where his passion was. He applied to study drama.

The backlash he got from his parents was incredible. My friend told me that his parents were furious and from being furious, they became sad. They told them that they invested so much in him for him not to waste his life on drama. A great insult to the soapie stars his mom adorned. They told them that there is no money in drama and yet, they are a typical Black middle-class family. Meaning that the luxury they indulged in was bought on credit and the family actually did not have wealth. They went on and on and finally, his father told him that his son will not be a man of drama. His son will work in a hospital as a doctor or in a law firm as an attorney. He will not send his son to university just to live in poverty. An even greater insult to the many artists his father listened to and admired on the screen.

It is these invisible bars that imprison us. It is these invisible bars that put forth the notion that parents have failed to raise us. Indeed, they birthed us. Fundamentally, their role thereafter is to guide us into greener pastures. Their role is not to dictate what they think is right or wrong for us. They have no right to do that. Many of the youth get trapped feeling somewhat bad for feeling that their parents failed them. That somehow, there is a law that says that parents are always right and we the children, are wrong. Biblical laws cannot transcend into everyday life laws. We cannot impose our beliefs on the next man or woman. So much so, many of the youth are beginning to escape the clutches of the church. I believe this is because the church continues to polish the shackles that hold us hostage instead of breaking us free.

This is our life. The way we live is the way we live. This fundamental right to life should not be taken by anybody, not even our parents. I have met people who simply hate their parents. Hate. They despise their parents and are at peace with that fact. Interestingly enough, these people who escaped the stronghold of their parents are happier and live a fuller life. It is something to think about. Are we letting ourselves be attached to pity emotions that keep us enslaved to our parents? Some say that the only thing that parents have on their children is money. To a great degree, this true. The child stays in his parents’ house because the child is not yet financially strong enough to stand by himself or herself. Yet, the rhetoric in society preaches that money is evil, the meek shall inherit the Earth, and so forth. I once read a prayer that gave thanks to the Lord for the “the little that I have”. Absolute nonsense.

It is nonsense that we are in the 21st century and yet subscribe to ancient philosophies of life. The institutions of marriages and families need to be revisited. More accurately, the influence of society on these institutions need to be revisited. This influence on these institutions by society continue to limit people of their abilities and enslave many in their “worthy” ideals.

In all honesty, though, marriage is beautiful. It is ugly when it is expected the woman should be the only caretaker and homemaker. It took me a great deal to understand that marriage is also ugly if the man has to provide alone. Marriage is beautiful because it can enable a man or woman to unleash their fullest potential. Through marriage, many men and women have become greatly successful in their own right. This is the beauty of marriage. Unfortunately, it gets smeared by the ugliness of society and its unworthy ideals.

The same can be said about families. It is beautiful to be part of a family. This need to belong to an intimate group of people is inert in all of us. If we do not find intimacy within our immediate family, we find intimacy with friends who become family. Many believe this is why many become part of gangs. Gangs treat each member as a family and conduct themselves as a family. The family structure without a shadow of a doubt is an important component in the fabric of society. However, families tend to fall into the trap of feeling that they have an image to maintain. Like with my intelligent friend, his parents believed that for his intelligence to be accepted in society, he has to follow the path of a lawyer or doctor. Or else, his intelligence might be viewed as mental madness in society. In what his parents thought was protecting him, it was actually destroying him. So much so, my friend no longer functions normally unless there’s a narcotic substance in his veins.

In the many facets of life that we, the first generation of freedom, are transforming, the relationships that we have with our parents is one that needs serious revisiting. In the name of protecting, caring, and loving children, parents lock their children in expectations that their children cannot fulfill. They themselves become victims of their own emotions and will not acknowledge this when their children are failures. Failures according to their own definitions. To a great extent, we need to do better with our own children.